Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

bottom bollocks

Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.

1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.

2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009

bapjizm

The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.

PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?

SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.

PATRICK: Sphincter.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009

gayllifrey

Planet of origin of the Gay Lords. They are the Lods of all things Gay and apparently inhabit the entire revived TV series of Doctor Who.

Saturdays BBC1, 6:45pm. You'll see a lot of Gayllifrey.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 23, 2008

spunk tackle

The tackle you spunk with. Testicles and Penis. Cock and Balls. Twig and Gigggle Berries. Meat and Two Veg. Strawberry Shaft and Vanilla Scoops. Testicle (Pronounced testiclay) & Poking Rod...etc...

PETER: Andy, what's the matter?
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.

(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 16, 2008

Brittlebitch

A disease (or Poorme condition) that stuck up rich bitches get. They are usually a friend but never fancy you, who is always falling down,getting into fights, crashing her car, breaking bones to get attention because her life is so boring being married to the richest, limpcocked bastard she could find, or having great parents who give her everything.

1) Paris.
2) Nicole.
3) Kathy.
4) Pink sang a song about them stupid, stupid girls.
5) A Brittlebitch is usually any blonde girl who does her homework/job on Wikipedia & drives a Smart Car.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008

Doctor Poo

Popular euphemism for 'I'm going to go do Doctor Poo.'

Other meanings of Doctor Poo are as follows,
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Shaking hands with Tom Titt
Choking a dark demon
Doing Ertha Kitt
My arse was just sick
Talking to god on the porcelain telephone
and the best one...
emailing your boss's letterbox with a dirty attachment.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 20, 2008

mingsane

The exact word to describe the level of non sanity of Ming the Merciless from the Flash Gordon universe.

Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.

After Ming was impaled on Flash's ship in the 1980s movie of the same name, as Flash.

Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!

Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?

Dale: That Ming was mad.

Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'

Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.

Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?

Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.

Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009