Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions
What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'
At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008
Get the fuckmas mug.when a lady's or gentleman's underpant region become increasingly bothered, horny, moist, or brought to the boil a situation comes up which negates or foils the sensation.
A hard on boil that becomes foiled.
A hard on boil that becomes foiled.
1: Watching late night TV for a bit of self loving when a picture of Karen Matthews, Cilla Black or Jade Goody comes on and your 'rock' becomes a 'flop'
2: When a lady is watching late night TV in the hopes that a bit of twisted gaymensex comes on and instead find nothing but Karen Matthews, Cilla Black and Jade Goody lezzing out.
3: Wanking over Britney when you realise you're her Dad.Boil Foiled.
2: When a lady is watching late night TV in the hopes that a bit of twisted gaymensex comes on and instead find nothing but Karen Matthews, Cilla Black and Jade Goody lezzing out.
3: Wanking over Britney when you realise you're her Dad.Boil Foiled.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008
Get the boil foiled mug.A man, at home, alone, watching 'Count Spunkula Lives!' with his bored housewife. The TV woman get a hugely impossible facial. The man looks longingly at his wife and she shoves a pencil down his dick. How's that?
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 10, 2008
Get the count spunkula mug.1:) cuntanet: The online interwebbing tool invented a thousand years ago by people who obviously want other people to be able to get in touch with them because the telephone and the front door weren't inconvienient enough.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
STEVE: Yo, Dude where the hell are you?
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 22, 2009
Get the cuntanet mug.A Couple on a plane, the man has the window seat.
Kanye: Hey, Estelle, I'm feeling bonkers. Do you got a spoon, fork or a knife? I think it's called a spoforife.
Estelle: Can you be quiet for just one shitting minute?
Kanye: Hey we just touched down in London town.
Estelle: For Christ's sake, quit it with the fucking song or I'll kick you in the fucking balls again you ass hole.
Kayne: Hey look, it's the press. They don't fuck wit me.
Estelle: (Sighs.)
Kanye: Hey, Estelle, I'm feeling bonkers. Do you got a spoon, fork or a knife? I think it's called a spoforife.
Estelle: Can you be quiet for just one shitting minute?
Kanye: Hey we just touched down in London town.
Estelle: For Christ's sake, quit it with the fucking song or I'll kick you in the fucking balls again you ass hole.
Kayne: Hey look, it's the press. They don't fuck wit me.
Estelle: (Sighs.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 21, 2008
Get the spoforife mug.Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.
1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.
2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.
2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009
Get the bottom bollocks mug.That strange feeling when having an abnormally lengthy piddle when from nowhere a torrent of farts emanate from the anus.
Max: When I was having a slash a minute ago I'm sure I fartinated. Have you ever done that?
TERRENCE: Only when whizzing on your Mum
MAX: WHAT?!
TERRENCE: Nothing. got any pies?
TERRENCE: Only when whizzing on your Mum
MAX: WHAT?!
TERRENCE: Nothing. got any pies?
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008
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