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9 definitions by Shaun Attwood

 
1.
a verb for storing contraband in your rectum, common in prison
“I don’t understand how there’s so much drugs in the prisons. How do they get it all in?” Gemma asked.
“Mostly keystering.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s packed in balloons or condoms. The vistors insert them into their bodies, take them out during the visits and the prisoners insert them into their bodies at visitation. Women visitors have two places they can insert them, and men one. A prisoner who can store a lot inside himself is called a mule. He’ll get paid by the gangs to receive drugs through visitation. Sometimes the packages burst and the mule dies of an overdose or is hospitalised.”
-from Jonsjailjournal
by Shaun Attwood May 14, 2008
 
2.
nothing (used by American Italians and Mafia figures)
Look at Jim Hogg. He promised he was gonna send me five hundred within two weeks of his release. And guess what? I got nothin'. I got ungatz. The word is Jim Hogg copped some cases and he's sittin' in a county jail. He might get six or seven for some silly-ass petty crimes. The guys a fuckin' jabroney. For most prisoners on the way out its like this: 'I'm gonna get out, bro, I'll take care of you. I'll send you a twenty.' And I say, 'OK. Go on and live your life, motherfucker.' It just ain't gonna happen. At the time they mean it, but once they get out there and taste that Chivas Regal or Old Milwaukee they ain't gonna give a fuck about an old lifer in the state pen. Think I expect it? The only way you can disappoint me is if I expect anythin' from you. And I expect ungatz.
by Shaun Attwood January 24, 2008
 
3.
Burpies are an excellent form of cardiovascular endurance training. Burpies are a series of exercises that are performed in a continuous fashion - one after another - for 30 to 60 minutes. There are endless variations of burpies. The most basic form goes like this: start with 50 jumping jacks to get the blood flowing, and then while standing with your feet shoulder-width apart, you bend your legs out behind you. You will (hopefully) land in the push-up position on the floor. If you don't land in the push-up position, you have done a face plant into the concrete. If so, this is not the correct form. From the push-up position do five push-ups and then in one swift motion you draw both legs forward, planting your feet in the original shoulder-width position, and stand up. You have just done one burpie. The entire process should be one smooth motion from start to finish. Burpies can be done alone, with a partner or with a large group of people like you've seen on the prison documentaries. If you are doing them by yourself, run in place for three seconds between repetitions. They are usually done with a partner, then while you are doing a burpie, your partner runs in place, and vice versa.
"Did you work out today, dawg?"
"Yeah, I did thirty minutes of burpies and an hour of pull-ups."
by Shaun Attwood January 23, 2008
 
4.
noun - a sign language used by prisoners in order to communicate through windows; commonly used by inmates in neighboring pods where the windows face each other at the Maricopa County jail system run by Sheriff Joe Arpaio

verb - the act of using swindow
"Hey, dawg, got any tobacco?"
"Nah, dawg. Swindow the white dudes over in A pod and see if they can send some over."
by Shaun Attwood June 16, 2008
 
5.
prison slang for a transsexual
"Shemales" or "cheetolins" are in high demand. Most of our resident cheetos are Native American or Mexican American. Cheetos have been known to convert many a straight inmate. Some inmates cannot resist an opportunity to receive oral sex. A recently sentenced cheeto in our pod rejoiced, "I can't wait to get to prison for all that sausage!"
- from Jonsjailjournal
by Shaun Attwood February 28, 2008
 
6.
the means by which inmates who are locked down pass things, including commissary items, from cell to cell
How do inmates trade goods in supermaximum when they are never allowed out of their cells? The answer is by "fishing."

A fishing line consists of a long piece of string with a weight attached to one end. The string is usually obtained from bed sheets or prison attire. Weights can be made from combs, soap, plastic bags containing toothpaste, or the flat end of a toothpaste tube snapped off from the rest of the tube, the latter option being the most popular due to its efficiency. Using these items an inmate can assemble a fishing line in excess of twenty-feet long.

To exchange goods with someone housed on the same floor, two inmates will first ascertain whether each of them have sufficient lengths of fishing line to meet each other. Every cell door at SMU2 has a two-centimeter gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. The possessor of the longest fishing line will slide his weight under his door in the direction of the room that he wishes to trade with. Depending upon his fishing skills, it may take several attempts to get the weight into the desired area. Following a failed attempt, the inmate simply yanks the line back into his cell and tries again. When the weight is in a good spot, the second inmate will slide his weight out, aiming to catch his weight on his trading partners line. Upon snagging the line, the second inmate will then reel in both lines. The lines are then securely tied and store items can be transferred to and fro by attaching a large Manila envelope to the joint line, and filling it with the desired goods.

Passing flat items such as stamps, envelopes, newspapers, pen refills, and paper is easy. Larger items such as chips (crisps) or candy bars have to be squashed flat or crushed into particles. Coffee and stamps are the two most heavily-traded items.

How do inmates housed upstairs trade with inmates housed below them? This requires lengthy fishing lines and considerable talent. The upstairs inmate slides his weight directly out from under his cell door and over the balcony in the direction of the inmate downstairs who he wishes to trade with. It may take several attempts to get the weight positioned in a good spot downstairs. The downstairs inmate then slides his weight out and when the two are connected he reels them both in. Items can be passed up and down, between the two floors, via the two joined lines using envelopes or plastic bags.

Sometimes, mishaps occur, lines may snap and loads may get stuck on the run. Fishing rods made out of newspaper can be used to retrieve lost items or lines when such accidents happen.

Fishing is banned and opportunistic guards will snatch fishing lines. Getting caught fishing after receiving a warning can result in an inmate getter stripped out. Being stripped out consists of an invasive strip search followed by a rigorous cell search. Master fishermen will generally fish after the hourly guard walks, to minimise their chances of losing their lines.

When fishing traffic is in full flow, the run takes on a life of its own. Envelopes are rapidly sliding across the floor and plastic bags can be seen floating upwards as if they were balloons. Fishing lines are barely visible, so to an observer it looks as if ghosts are moving objects around. It is an amazing sight to first lay eyes on, and a credit to inmate ingenuity.

-from Jonsjailjournal
by Shaun Attwood February 28, 2008
 
7.
plural of goombah
close friends or associates
“So you got a new celly?”
“Yeah. I’ve known him since he was thirteen. He used to wash my Eldorado. His playmates were my goombahdies’ kids.”
by Shaun Attwood January 17, 2008