The defintive Shotgun Rules
For all you co-pilots out there
History Lesson: The Term shotgun refers to back in old wild west days, when a person would have to sit next to the driver of the wagon with a shotgun to protect them from highway robbers
Rules So far
1. The Shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car
2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically given shotgun, until you violate the other shotgun laws and thus, forfeiting your position, the seat is yours.
3. You cannot declare shot gun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.
4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from the all the people who called
5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi storey or underground car park!)
6. Shotgun can’t be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey
7. On the call shotgun, if the driver wants to mix things up a bit he can call reload, this means that all calls of shotgun before that are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat... and if you plain don't like the person who called shotgun.
This is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome, also a shotgun can have 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once.
8. “The Annoying Retard Clause”- If Aforementioned annoying retard is in the vehicle, Shotgun rules are to ascertain who is in the back left seat as opposed to the passenger seat, to stop the annoying retard from his constant bitch slapping of the driver when a “yellow car” passes
9. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person who is travelling in the middle (or the "bitch" seat if you will).
10. Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. I.e. women don't own the front seat! In addition to this, women give up their right to the social indignity associated with pushing/hitting/stabbing a woman in an attempt to reach the car first.
11. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is dead or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun. And a coffin.
12. Once the journey is underway, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road needs their full concentration, or they simply cannot be assed any more, duty is passed to the Shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the ipod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to the back middle seat- the BITCH SEAT.
13. “The Shoe Rule”: anyone calling shotgun must have their shoes on, this is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on, thus slowing the journey and causing anger amongst all the passengers.
14. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsy's and other girly calls! There is no way to overrule Shotgun.
15. Despite the debate, shotgun can be used to shotgun things other than the front seat (e.g. back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door etc). The only exception to this rule is when it comes to buying food. The one who calls shotgun for not buying is automatically subject to an ass-kicking and expulsion from the room, minus their wallet.
16. If travelling with a couple, one of the couple must shotgun the front.....no one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are sat in the back all over each other. Hereby known as the “get a room clause”.
17. If someone has successfully called shotgun, this gives them no right whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you idiot!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving") if the passenger does this then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder. They are also immediately subject to a swift and painful beating, and anything stated by the driver while screaming back is acceptable, for example “your ma”.
18. If someone says "what’s shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk.
19. When you come up to the car and you already know who is shotgun, the driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door. If shotgun opens it before it’s actually unlocked, (this happens when the driver is still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up there rights as shotgun. Therefore. Shotgun suicide!
20. The successful Shotgunner, in the front of a vehicle, assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is, in essence the co-pilot and therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.
21. Automatic "Couple's Rights Act 1997". This is that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, they have the right to the seat of their choice.
22. The Pirate Rule - If One of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the occurrence of more than one pirate then a sword fight shall determine the successful Shotgunner. Contrary to popular belief, this rule does not apply to occupants dressed, convincingly or otherwise, as ninjas. Ninjas are not as cool as Pirates. Get over it.
23. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout of the window "who's walking who", it is the shotgunners responsibility and failure to spot a potential heckling results in demotion to the bitch seat! Potential heckling victims include but are not limited to women walking dogs/ fat people/ fat people walking dogs/ teachers and Tony Blair.
24. When riding in a 2/3 door car it is the role of the Shotgun Rider to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car NOT THE DRIVERS!! This applies regardless of the weather conditions.
1. On the way to a party ninja calls shotgun while their is a convivcingly dressed pirate their. Ninja gets an bith slap with the pirates sword and is relegated to "the bitch seat"