Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
by Mr. Cardboard November 07, 2011
Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.
Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.
by Mr. Cardboard July 04, 2012
Theoretical construct to continue having sex with someone who is hot but lives far away and is not worth moving for, but is worth visiting from time to time for a change from all the regular sex you are getting.
Dude 1: I heard Stacey moved away to go to university, sucks for you.
Dude 2: Psh I just told her we'd have a long distance relationship.
Dude 1: I like your style.
Dude 2: Psh I just told her we'd have a long distance relationship.
Dude 1: I like your style.
by Mr. Cardboard November 08, 2011
Sex with a zombie.
When presented with a fairly fresh zombie that still has attractive characteristics, the concept of sex with said zombie occurs to you and, depending on circumstances, may become reality.
When the zombie apocalypse comes, many people will have a wagonful of zombies held captive for just this purpose, and likely be prepared to kill living people just so they can have zombie sex with them.
When presented with a fairly fresh zombie that still has attractive characteristics, the concept of sex with said zombie occurs to you and, depending on circumstances, may become reality.
When the zombie apocalypse comes, many people will have a wagonful of zombies held captive for just this purpose, and likely be prepared to kill living people just so they can have zombie sex with them.
Dude 1: Stacey is so hot, her bod is super sweet.
Dude 2: Forget it dude, the only way you'll ever fuck her is zombie sex.
Dude 2: Forget it dude, the only way you'll ever fuck her is zombie sex.
by Mr. Cardboard November 08, 2011
Before hiding the sausage, any man worth his salt first hides the chips. i.e. before sticking your cock in a bird it is generally wise to stick a couple of fingers in there to assess the risk of disease/transvestite/mousetraps.
This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".
This act can be conveniently passed off as "foreplay".
A: Dude I saw you getting it on with Stacey last night, how'd you make out?
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.
*past participle of "hide the chips"
B: Gutted, she'd only let me finger her.
A: Hid the chips?* Here let me smell.
*past participle of "hide the chips"
by Mr. Cardboard June 25, 2011
An accidental theoretical construct in the brain of someone who is not paying full attention to the conversation.
Dude 1: I was in O'Neills last night and there was this gorgeous Irish chick in there.
Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?
Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?
by Mr. Cardboard November 08, 2011