Mr. Cardboard's definitions
The most epic porn star the world has ever seen. Hardcore wasn't good enough for her, no no, she had to invent supercore. Belladonna was top turkey for a long time, but then Audrey came along, crapped cum into her own mouth and swallowed it. Nobody can top that.
"If you could sleep with anyone, living or dead, who would you sleep with?"
"Audrey Hollander. Alive."
"Audrey Hollander. Alive."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the Audrey Hollandermug. Dude 1: Congrats on finally getting a job.
Dude 2: Thanks, I'm sure gonna miss having beereakfast though.
Dude 2: Thanks, I'm sure gonna miss having beereakfast though.
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
Get the beereakfastmug. Cocktail - variant of the Bloody Mary.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the shipwreckmug. An emotion which, irrespective of whatever previous emotion you were feeling, instantaneously makes you feel like you are going to die, fills your entire body with adrenaline and sends your heart rate off the scale.
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
"Are you coming to the pub?"
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the fearmug. A spare parent. A parent you could quite easily manage without for the rest of your life.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
Get the sparentmug. Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.
Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.
by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012
Get the anal baconmug. 1) Someone who loves themselves so much that masturbation isn't enough self-love for them, so they publicise their imaginary greatness by appearing on reality TV shows, or failing that, add entries to definition websites describing people with their name as somehow better than everyone else. See also: narcissist.
2) Basically the same as 1) above but a narcissist who, having had their pride bruised by someone, decides it is a mature and reasonable course of action to define aforementioned person on a definition website with details of said infidelity plus various fabrications about their sexual and/or culinary desires. Someone who publicly blames their own inadequacies on someone else.
2) Basically the same as 1) above but a narcissist who, having had their pride bruised by someone, decides it is a mature and reasonable course of action to define aforementioned person on a definition website with details of said infidelity plus various fabrications about their sexual and/or culinary desires. Someone who publicly blames their own inadequacies on someone else.
I was on Urban Dictionary last night voting on the latest definitions, and I couldn't believe how many wankers there were trying to big themselves up or put someone down.
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the WANKERmug.