703 definitions by Monkey's Dad
Was it Wednesday, Monday, Thursday? With nowhere to go, no one to see, they all became daze of the week.
by Monkey's Dad April 21, 2020
Ironyclad as always, her eulogy for her mother began, "You all know mom? She sends her regrets at being unable to attend today's festivities", but the mourners all understood it was her defense against grief.
by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020
"My Little Puddle in the Bed": When texted, an intimate erotic endearment, eclipsing the historic 'Ma Petite Chou-Fleur", (my little cauliflower,) and leaving the fabled Frenchman distinctly in second place
by Monkey's Dad November 21, 2022
Accoutrements placed in the service of pampering a woman who protests IANAJ, while being pampered as if she were in the Tokyo Hilton.
Her dedicated copper coffee pot from the Tokyo Hilton, her velvet baby blanket, her monogrammed sterling spoon, breakfast brought to her bedside, at the precise hour requested, pillows fluffed, lap dog placed in her lap, temperature adjusted just so, the blinds opened to the precise degree, her phone charged, as she requests with a simple hand gesture, a personally-selected condensation of the morning's news delivered softly, these and more were her personal Japonica.
by Monkey's Dad May 18, 2020
"I was wrong about the virus, the pandemic, climate change", Trump said, "wrong about masks, so wrong. Please forgive me." And as he fell to his knees, my alarm gave way to my alarm clock. I jolted awake, barely able to breathe, wondering whether it was from the smoke, or whether it was actually Covid.
by Monkey's Dad September 16, 2020
The one phrase a malignant narcissist will never utter, preferring to see the destruction of the world and everything in it first.
"I was wrong about the virus, wrong about the pandemic, wrong about masks" Trump pleaded. "So wrong. I was wrong about climate change, please forgive me, I see how we've desecrated our beautiful home and I have contributed hugely. I was wrong about the very fine neo-nazis, totally, and about separating Hispanic children from their parents, wrong about my own IQ, and I frankly don't know how I will ever live with my many mistakes." Trump kept up the litany, rending his clothing and falling to his knees, and my alarm gave way to my alarm clock, and I got up to a day of working from home. Again.
by Monkey's Dad September 15, 2020
The first time the phrase was used, August 9, 1974, by President Gerald Ford, he was succeeding Nixon, describing the Watergate imbroglio. The next time it will be spoken is anyone's guess.
My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.
by Monkey's Dad October 13, 2020