Monkey's Dad's definitions

No-It-All

A person whose reflex is to refuse, dispute, and oppose everything.

No, she did not want any chocolate, no, she did not need any more shoes, no, she did not have time to take a trip, and she already had three pale pink sweaters, so thank you but no. He saw she was a total no-it-all. And the day he stopped offering would be the day she'd change her tune and accuse him of being a know-it-all.

by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020

revidivism

To return to an appallingly bad movie, after you have done your time and pronounced yourself rehabilitated.

He had come out swearing, "Never again!", but here he was, in lockdown, serving a second stint with "Sharknado 3", an act of tragic revidivism.

by Monkey's Dad March 26, 2020

Taco Bell wine

Wine sold at Taco Bell.

When life could not feel any more weird, Jalapeño Noir is the name of the new Taco Bell wine, available only in Canada.

by Monkey's Dad September 15, 2020

transcendent beauty

An exceedingly rare quality, possessed by very few women, illuminated from within. Most of the world's celebrated beauties do not have it and cannot acquire it, as shown by their age-driven pursuit of cosmetic surgery, and the tragically self-erasing results. For a woman so blessed, it is simply a gift, immune to the passage of time.

She appeared to be ageless, radiant with transcendent beauty. Wherever they found themselves, she was the most beautiful woman in the room, not by degree but entirely in a class of her own. Strangers, both men and women, stared, sometimes approaching to comment. It was more than her exquisite proportions and facial symmetry. Paired with those things, it came from an inner quality of goodness. The man beside her was sometimes told that he was transcendentally lucky, which he knew to be true.

by Monkey's Dad December 5, 2023

Chimp on your shoulder

Having a Monkey on your back and a Chip on your shoulder, simultaneously.

Everyone knew to avoid the conspiracy-spewing moron at the end of the bar, except the one guy looking for a fight. He came up behind him and said "Is that a chimp on your shoulder, or did you offer Tucker Carlson a piggyback?"

by Monkey's Dad August 8, 2021

Bronchiasaurus

The apparent weight on the lungs of a COVID-19 sufferer.

With no ventilator available, straining for breath, it felt as if he had a Bronchiasaurus on his chest.

by Monkey's Dad March 25, 2020

Virussian Roulette

Flirting with death by going shopping during coronaviral stay-at-home orders.

There was a strong chance of catching the virus, going out was playing Virussian Roulette, but she had stopped caring.

by Monkey's Dad April 13, 2020