Monkey's Dad's definitions

Missing Definition

A word or phrase on Urban Dictionary which enjoys a fine and happy life, generating views and many thumbs up and down. It enters the language triumphantly, good people everywhere now using it. Then, in an instant, the word or phrase mysteriously vanishes from Urban Dictionary, and no one seems to know why.

He hunted for the missing definition. It was gone from his own pages. For a day or two it still showed up in the search bar, and in a Google search, then went completely AWOL. The author, deciding to re-submit it, got the "oops" message - the definition already existed - even though it didn't. Paging Sherlock Holmes.

by Monkey's Dad April 10, 2020

The Religious Left

Liberals who have their own definition of "the right to life".

Unlike members of the Religious Right, the Religious Left doesn't advocate ripping children from their mother's arms and putting them in cages, putting prisoners to death when witnesses have recanted and they have been refused the legal admission of DNA exoneration, or the necessity of carrying assault rifles into church. Just sayin'.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

stand down comedian

A professional, on stage in a comedy club, who suddenly understands there is no humor in our predicament, nowhere he can take us that is any more absurd than the facts, and walks off.

Oh, he had material ... Mexico building a wall to keep Americans out... Ivanka's first act as president, pardoning her imprisoned daddy, children dying so the school cafeteria staff could return to work... but he saw that we had fallen beyond the reach of laughter. He was finished, a stand down comedian, and others would silently follow.

by Monkey's Dad July 15, 2020

Don't touch yourself

Not the eternal 'you'll-burn-in-hell' admonition from parents, nuns and priests received by millions of adolescents. Now, it's your face that is the forbidden body part.

Quietly closing the door behind her, stripping off her gloves, sliding out of her mask, she kept repeating "Don't touch yourself" although she desperately craved the feel of her own fingers.

by Monkey's Dad May 15, 2020

Hydroxycloroxquine

The bomb. A tablespoon of Clorox mixed with hydroxychloroquine.

If drinking Hydroxycloroxquine meant she could go back to the nail salon, she'd have a double.

by Monkey's Dad April 24, 2020

Covid's Metamorphoses

An epic poem, waiting to be written.

Chronicling the transformations of the world, from its creation to its breakdown, due to the coronavirus and the self-deification a Julius Caesar wannabe, Covid's Metamorphoses will be read in the 22nd Century as a charming fable of humanity as it once was.

by Monkey's Dad October 7, 2020

Remdeceiver

A new 'miracle cure' for Covid-19 which is not a miracle cure.

"Remdeceiver is being touted as a cure", the epidemiologist said, "when it merely shortens the recovery of Covid-19 patients. We need either a cure or a vaccine."

by Monkey's Dad May 3, 2020