Monkey's Dad's definitions

who appointed you?

Asked of anyone who steps up to fill a leadership vacuum, by those who are just standing around complaining and looking lost.

Often followed by the word "God", in a variety of ways.

"Who appointed you? God?"

"Who appointed you God?"

"Who appointed you?"

"God, actually. Get over it."

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

medical professional

A nurse, doctor, orderly, chaplain or other member of hospital staff, worthy of our most profound respect and gratitude.

Any medical professional is placing themself at the highest levels of risk for contracting the virus, yet they come to work and give more than is required, inadequately protected and knowing that many of their colleagues are already infected and are suffering.

by Monkey's Dad March 30, 2020

The Grim Sower

The Grim Reaper's silent partner, spreading an invisible virus.

The Grim Sower moved with stealth, planting the invisible seeds of sickness in preparation for his more-famous friend, The Grim Reaper, to finish the job.

by Monkey's Dad March 26, 2020

postcognitive

Knowledge which arrives after it might have. Seeing something clearly, once it has passed. Understanding everything just a bit too late.

The opposite of precognitive.

He knew the answer he should have given in the job interview, saw why Dianah had left him for the plumber, understood that the X-Ray Specs ad was probably bogus, and as always, his understanding was postcognitive.

by Monkey's Dad March 3, 2020

artistic license

Any choice made in the production of anything the artist calls art.

"So I took a bit of artistic license, okay? It's called "Queen Kong Lear", about an apewoman who feels unloved by her sons. If Shakespeare were alive today he'd totally love it."

by Monkey's Dad March 10, 2020

Don't Ask

A thought which often escapes idiots staring at a stranger struggling to walk. "What happened to you?" they say, before launching into the saga of their torn knee ligament, oblivious to the possibility that their prey has been disabled for decades and doesn't wish to answer appallingly inappropriate questions, nor needs your brilliant advice.

Don't ask, she thought. Don't fucking ask.

by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2023

vacuutemporal

An experience of life without time. The absence of a temporal dimension. An intensification of simultemporal experience, in which past, present and future are equidistant and simultaneous.

Having grown accustomed to simultemporal experience - living time all at once, rather than sequentially - he was increasingly forced to acknowledge states which were vacuutemporal, wherein the sense of time in any form dissolved.

by Monkey's Dad August 8, 2021