Bedside Volcano

A growing yet indecipherable mound, composed of unmatched socks, sweaters, underwear, pillows, books, catalogs, unopened mail, empty bottles, reading glasses, chargers, clean and dirty towels, exercise paraphernalia, countless and nameless other things, many forgotten yet long-sought, the entirety overtaking the room, cascading, poised to erupt.

"Have you seen my phone?"
"Have you checked the bedside volcano?"
"Which one??"
"Good question."

by Monkey's Dad February 25, 2023

2020WTF

A vanity license plate, spotted in Maine.

She stared numbly through the rain hitting her windshield, wondering if she were dreaming. There it really was, on the car in front of her, the truth of her life this year, the truth of everyone's life. 2020WTF.

by Monkey's Dad December 05, 2020

gymgnostic

A state of divine transcendence, reached through exercise.

His endorphins surging, what he saw in the mirror after his daily devotion to the ellipticals, free weights, rowers and treadmills lulled him into a gymgnostic state of belief in his own divinity.

by Monkey's Dad March 06, 2020

Peaceful day

A day without stress, fear, tension or worry, unknown in America since 2016, and let us wonder why.

She tried to remember her last truly peaceful day. They used to be common, but ever since... she hated to even say his name... took office, it had been an endless stream of crisis, turmoil, instability, and now this, the world seeming to collapse.

by Monkey's Dad March 30, 2020

The full MTG

A degree of delusional derangement worthy of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Craziness on par with believing that the Sandy Hook massacre was staged, that Trump is a Messiah sent by God to smite the Democratic child-killers lurking under the pizza parlor, and indeed that he "won" the election. To clarify; that Adam Lanza did not kill any children but that Hillary and Biden regularly do so.

Have you spoken to Lauren recently? She gone the full MTG.

by Monkey's Dad February 02, 2021

hope

The thing we cannot live without, the most essential element in the human spirit.

As 2020 ended, as 2021 shone with promise, there was so much to hope for. Regained dignity for America, a life where everyone could once again move freely, could smile and touch, could breathe without fear.

by Monkey's Dad December 31, 2020

Fauxmosexual

A false Fomosexual. Anyone who pretends to suffer from Fear of Missing Out regarding their sex life in order to not cause envy among friends.

Tiffany knew that Heather's complaints about her boyfriend's performance were simply fauxmosexuality. Anyone within a five-apartment radius could hear the truth.

by Monkey's Dad September 25, 2019