Monkey's Dad's definitions

party of one

The hot New York dinner reservation, during the coronaviral epidemic.

"Jack, party of one, your table is ready," Jack said quietly, as he sat down in his kitchen, prepared to enjoy his own company, and his justly famous mac'n'cheese.

by Monkey's Dad April 10, 2020

hand insanitizer

The suggestion that you need to wash your hands, and wash them again, specifically with a product that no longer exists, until you become insane with anxiety.

She had scrubbed and scoured her fingers and palms until they were raw, her bottles had all been emptied, and she was on the edge of crazy, needing to find more hand insanitizer.

by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020

Whoa!lmart

The American nexus of strange Covid-related behavior.

People assaulting each other over mask wearing. Spitting in the faces of cashiers. A man approaching shoppers, giving them an aggressive hug and announcing "Now you have Covid". All that and more can be seen at your local Whoa!lmart.

by Monkey's Dad August 23, 2020

damnbivalent

Appearing to not care about something, when in fact you do. Greatly.

Seeing him walking out of the theater holding hands with another woman?! Three days! after he had broken up with her?! Telling her he wasn't ready for a relationship??!! She smiled at him and said a quiet hello, cursing him ferociously under her breath, hoping he could not see how damnbivalent she was.

by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020

entrancegent

Unwilling or unable to move, due to being entranced, usually at the sight of a highly attractive person.

He cannot stop staring at her. My God. She is so incredibly beautiful. He stands frozen at the top of the escalator, people pouring off it right behind him, tripping and falling. He dimly realizes that he is being prodded, cursed and yelled at to MOVE! yet he remains entrancegent.

by Monkey's Dad September 13, 2021

Sortabiography

A book about the author's own life, which very slightly embellishes the truth, as far and as often as possible.

Deciding that her mother was the renegade Ninth Duchess of Waterford, her father a famous and notoriously dissolute rock star, her conception occurring at midnight on the Concord as all around them were asleep, she began her projected ten-volume sortabiography.

by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020

Decimated

Reduced by 1/10th (one-tenth), not, as commonly misused, totally wiped out, destroyed, annihilated.

The rodent population in New York City was decimated, down from ten million to only nine million.

by Monkey's Dad November 9, 2019