Mike and Mike the Accountants 's definitions
When one skips the first few minutes of a pornographic video (in most cases, free and online) that set up the plot of the porn. These few minutes are often filled by poor acting and frequently face plot issues such as hesitancy toward incest, sexual ultimatums, school girls offering sexual favors to their teachers, etc. Some pornographic sites have recently begun to do everyone a favor and provide bookmarks in their videos so that one may "fap forward" precisely to the sexual content.
Mike 1: Yo I was hesitant to click on this 50 minute porno on Brazzers last night but it was totally worth it!
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 28, 2017
Get the fap forwardmug. This usually, but not exclusively, is performed on a hot, muggy day. When a male's scrotum coheres to his inner thigh thus causing his testicular area to become clammy, moist, and generally uncomfortable. To relieve this sensation, the man will stretch his legs (whilst standing) outwardly toward either side of his body and switch between leaning to each side of his body while simultaneously bending the respective knee he is leaning toward. If performed properly, a stretchsticle will give the appearance that the man is simply limbering up, or loosening his lower body after vigorous activity and will actually make him seem more athletic, relaxed and generally active. On the contrary, there will invariably be a large portion of the male population that will see through this deceit and realize that their fellow brethren is simply airing out his steamy dank-ass grundle.
Mike 1: Do you think that hot audit chick noticed I was doing a stretchsticle while I was talking to her?
Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.
Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 7, 2017
Get the stretchsticlemug. See "New Jersey soap pump", except the aforementioned soap pump is reciprocated by the pumpee to the pumper using the the pumper's semen as lubricant for the sump pump.
Mike 1: Dude my hands are so cold, I could really go for a New Jersey sump pump right now, would you mind initiating with a New Jersey soap pump and I'll complete the process?
Mike 2: Sure man!
Mike 2: Sure man!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 3, 2017
Get the new jersey sump pumpmug. During the act of male masturbation, cruise cumtrol is the task of maintaining one's erection either whilst browsing pornographic videos, while the video is loading/buffering, while the video is streaming mundane content (see "fap forward"), during the awkward scrotum vag exclusive shots, etc. If performed correctly, cruise cumtrol requires minimal lubrication due to the speed of the stroke, and increases the intensity of one's orgasm. The inconvenient truth of the matter is that the cruise cumtrol stage of masturbation often lasts the majority duration of the masturbatory session but significantly enhances the size of the male's warm gooey bukake mess.
Mike 1: Dude I had like a 40 min fap sesh last night
Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!
Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...
Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!
Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...
by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 7, 2017
Get the cruise cumtrolmug. When a male attempts to urinate standing up while his penis is erect. In most cases he must squat, bend, etc. in efforts to get his penis as close as possible to the bowl without actually touching it leaving him in a peculiar and uncomfortable position. This normally occurs in conjunction with morning wood, or immediately after ejaculating.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants May 26, 2017
Get the stiff pissmug. Similar to a stealth bomber, this is when a male attempts to hide his erection from others. Depending on the intensity of the erection, the size of the male's penis, and the clothes he is wearing, the male may go about a stealth boner in several ways:the most common is to stick his penis upwardly flat against his abdomen using his pants to hold it down. If the erection is only mild in intensity, he may try and hold the erection against his thigh in his pant leg. Attempting to have a stealth boner is exponentially more difficult whilst wearing gym shorts and/or no shirt. Most men grow increasingly adept at using stealth boners since the onset of puberty.
Mike 2: Dude I gotta go talk to one of the director's but that hot audit chick gave me a raging stiffy...what do I do???
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 9, 2017
Get the stealth bonermug. The thoughts a male has during intercourse to delay his impending ejaculation. Examples include sports, work, movies and his grandmother's loose, grungy, mothball ridden cunt.
Mike 2: Dude I came in like .08 seconds last night, my wife was pissed.
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 29, 2017
Get the thinking outside the boxmug.