Markwonder's definitions

Smart-ass

What Joe Biden thinks you are if you ask him to lower the U.S. citizens' tax burden.

While visiting Kopp's frozen custard shop in Milwaukee where smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin was on duty, Vice President Joe Biden was sampling some of the tasty treats.

Biden: "What do I owe you for the delicious custard?"

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: “Don’t worry, it’s on the house. … Lower our taxes and we’ll call it even.”

Biden: “Why don’t you say something nice instead of being a Smart–ass all the time?”

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: (Thinking) This motherfucker just lost my vote.

by markwonder August 30, 2010

Intolerance

Usually practiced by those on the left of the political spectrum when they are confronted with an opinion or belief that is different than theirs.

During the Miss America Pageant, When asked by judge Perez Hilton, an openly gay gossip blogger, whether she believed in gay marriage, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, said "We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."
Carrie Prejean was sneered and booed at by the audience and confronted with such abject hate and intolerance by the audience and many liberals for her opinion that many of the gay men at the event
wondered aloud why the judges did not discriminate against her for her beliefs. The question came up as to why Carrie Prejean was not thrown out of the competition for her stand on gay marriage.

by markwonder April 20, 2009

Jellybeans

Small, sugary jelly-like candy. They are shaped like small beans and come in many flavors and colors. They are somewhat harder than gummy bears. They are also very popular with the children around Easter.

Jellybeans are a lot like people. Nobody likes the black ones.

by Markwonder November 15, 2010

Law of wrong way

The law of wrong way states that: "While driving in the city, any missed or wrong turn and subsequent backtracking to find your original route will be met by frustratingly slow moving traffic and red lights at every intersection.

Many, if not all of these red lights will be Full-cycle red lights."

While trying to find the corporate building downtown, I missed my turn and ended up backtracking an extra 3 miles, through 4 busy intersections, while following two old ladies, a Vespa scooter and a garbage truck. The law of wrong way was in effect.

Needless to say, I missed the Boss's luncheon and didn't get the promotion. FML.

by Markwonder October 28, 2010

Wiseacre

Old person speak for smartass.

That Emmet Wickersham is a real wiseacre, I tell you. I caught him stealing checkers off the board while I was looking at Lawrence Welk on the television set." "If he tries that just one more time, I'm calling the nurse."

by Markwonder August 30, 2010

Would you rather

A game where you are given a choice between two embarassing scenarios and you have to choose one.

Would you rather have a threesome with your parents and nobody find out?

OR

Not have a threesome with your parents and have everybody think you did?

by markwonder November 19, 2010

Hate

Usually an emotion expressed by those on the left of the political spectrum when they are confronted with an opinion or a situation that goes against their beliefs or ideals.

Hate towards Miss California Carrie Prejean because of her opinion on gay marriage.

Hate towards our men and women in uniform defending this country, especially anytime a Republican is in the White House.

Hate towards anybody making a decent living for themselves.

Bristol Palin's success on "Dancing with the Stars" brought out the worst kind of liberal hate.

by Markwonder December 11, 2010