Markwonder's definitions

Marriage

The point at which the friendship with your sweetheart ends and becomes a business relationship.

The point at which you stop having fun and take on responsibility for yourself and your new wife.

The end of your life as you once knew it.

Marriage is a lot like playing cards.

You start out giving a heart and a diamond, and end up wishing for a club and a spade.

by Markwonder January 11, 2011

Redneck Doorbell

The truck's horn. Lets your date know that you're sitting out front of the trailer waiting to pick her up.

Jimmy used the redneck doorbell to let Charlene know he was out front waiting to take her to the Dairy Stripe.

by Markwonder November 27, 2010

Jellybeans

Small, sugary jelly-like candy. They are shaped like small beans and come in many flavors and colors. They are somewhat harder than gummy bears. They are also very popular with the children around Easter.

Jellybeans are a lot like people. Nobody likes the black ones.

by Markwonder November 15, 2010

Law of wrong way

The law of wrong way states that: "While driving in the city, any missed or wrong turn and subsequent backtracking to find your original route will be met by frustratingly slow moving traffic and red lights at every intersection.

Many, if not all of these red lights will be Full-cycle red lights."

While trying to find the corporate building downtown, I missed my turn and ended up backtracking an extra 3 miles, through 4 busy intersections, while following two old ladies, a Vespa scooter and a garbage truck. The law of wrong way was in effect.

Needless to say, I missed the Boss's luncheon and didn't get the promotion. FML.

by Markwonder October 28, 2010

Nigger Chuckle

A type of laugh common amongst Africans. The nigger chuckle is generally performed while holding a loose fist to the mouth followed by a few subtle short laughs then by three or more rasping utterances produced in the back of the mouth.

1. Example Nigger Chuckle: Yo. Treon say Chiante bref so bad dat he din't know whether to offer her a tic tac or toilet paper! Heh, Heh, Heh, chhcckkk, chhcckkk, chhcckk!

by Markwonder September 20, 2011

Smart-ass

What Joe Biden thinks you are if you ask him to lower the U.S. citizens' tax burden.

While visiting Kopp's frozen custard shop in Milwaukee where smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin was on duty, Vice President Joe Biden was sampling some of the tasty treats.

Biden: "What do I owe you for the delicious custard?"

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: “Don’t worry, it’s on the house. … Lower our taxes and we’ll call it even.”

Biden: “Why don’t you say something nice instead of being a Smart–ass all the time?”

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: (Thinking) This motherfucker just lost my vote.

by markwonder August 30, 2010

Full-cycle red light

A traffic light that turns from yellow to red just as you get there and causes you to have to wait until the signal runs it's full cycle before it is your turn to pass. Seemingly stays red forever.

Usually at an intersection that includes turn arrow signals for cars making left turns.

Full-cycle red lights are commonly experienced while lost in the city. See the Law of wrong way.

I would have been there on time, but every intersection I came to was a full-cycle red light. Consequently, I was 15 minutes late for the Boss's meeting. FML.

by Markwonder October 28, 2010