MagickDio's definitions
1) When you slink off to secretly have sex with someone you shouldn't. Usually because you or they are in a relationship. Someone who stealth fucks is usually a stealthy fucker, and you can recognise them by the fact that they melt into shadows and you don't see them for hours.
2) When either or both parties are unsure if penetration has occured; a situation that only occurs with very loose women or very small men. Will always occur when the two are put together. Stealth fucking of this kind is often coupled with the question- "Is it in yet?"
2) When either or both parties are unsure if penetration has occured; a situation that only occurs with very loose women or very small men. Will always occur when the two are put together. Stealth fucking of this kind is often coupled with the question- "Is it in yet?"
1) "Jake's gone again! He was just here! Call his mobile. What? Switched off, eh? Bet he's gone off for a stealth fuck"
2) "Julie needs to tone up. I'm not satisfied with this stealth fucking nonsense"
2) "Julie needs to tone up. I'm not satisfied with this stealth fucking nonsense"
by MagickDio March 2, 2010
Get the Stealth Fuck mug.Sitting on leather seats with bare skin on a hot day is asking for trouble. When you attempt to rise from the seat, you have to rip your skin from the surface that it has practically merged with, thus giving yourself a painful Leather Flaying experience. If you're lucky, you won't have made full body contact. Having sex on a leather sofa is a big mistake. 50% of the gasps and moans will be of pain as you tear your body away, leaving 6 layers of skin behind.
"Your back looks all sunburnt, Jim"
"It's not, I was shagging Vicky on the sofa and got a serious leather flaying"
"It's not, I was shagging Vicky on the sofa and got a serious leather flaying"
by MagickDio March 7, 2010
Get the Leather Flaying mug.Non existent ideal. The term embodies the unrealistic expectations of magazines/society/men when it comes to mothers. Magical Mummy can cook, clean, do arts and crafts with the kiddies, sew, wash, walk the dog and fuck like a pornstar without even ruffling her perfect hair. She is never to be found languishing on the sofa whilst the kids run riot, nor does she drink wine and sob in the evenings, looking at the pile of ironing and wondering what the fuck happened to her life.
Most men will claim to their wives (in a foolish attempt to create their prefect world) that their own mothers attained Magical Mummy status.
Most men will claim to their wives (in a foolish attempt to create their prefect world) that their own mothers attained Magical Mummy status.
"He asked me why I hadn't been able to iron his uniform as well as make the dinner and clean the kitchen. As if I'm some kind of Magical Mummy!"
"I told him to piss off to his Magical Mummy, and let her run around like a twat for him"
"Make your own dinner, I'm busy doing this! I'm not your Magical Mummy!"
"I told him to piss off to his Magical Mummy, and let her run around like a twat for him"
"Make your own dinner, I'm busy doing this! I'm not your Magical Mummy!"
by MagickDio February 5, 2010
Get the Magical Mummy mug.Oven Eye occurs when a female wearing mascara opens an oven door and bends to peer in instantly, before allowing the steam to escape. The resulting rush of moist heat to the face causes the mascara to react and seriously clump the eyelashes together, making it appear that each eye has a few short, black horns per eyelid, instead of curling, dark lashes.
"Bollocks! I'm going to have to go and do my makeup again, I've got oven eye!"
"Check out those false eyelashes, she looks like she's got oven eye"
"Check out those false eyelashes, she looks like she's got oven eye"
by MagickDio February 6, 2010
Get the Oven Eye mug.Occasional Cunt Disorder. Most commonly affecting men, and most likely to strike when they've been drinking and their good for nothing sports team have lost. Symptoms include sneering at lifelong friends, ignoring the person who is speaking to you, laughing humourlessly at someone who is just trying to be nice and picking one person to humiliate. The cure is usually to sulk moodily in a corner for a while, but the drastic measure of a slap to the face is sometimes administered.
"Sorry about last night Baz. Didn't mean to tell your mum that story about you being caught wanking by a busload of nuns. A bit of OCD I think."
"Leave him alone to sulk, miserable bastard. It's a good job it's only OCD, or I'd kick his head in"
"Leave him alone to sulk, miserable bastard. It's a good job it's only OCD, or I'd kick his head in"
by MagickDio March 2, 2010
Get the OCD mug.Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Get the Slow Job mug.Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes time.
by MagickDio June 3, 2010
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