MagickDio's definitions
A mistake made which results in something potentially dying. It's a pretty gosh darned awful mistake if that something turns out to be you. There are two deadly mistakes which are incredibly common;
1) A woman, in the midst of her mental cycle is being somewhat emotionally unstable, and a man utters these words....."what's your problem?!" DEADLY MISTAKE!!! The obvious answer to the question will be that HE is the problem, and if he escapes with his life, all happiness will most certainly be killed for him for the next 3-5 days.
2) When getting down to some serious foreplay, the woman turns to the man and utters these words..."do I look fat?" DEADLY MISTAKE!!! There is no "safe" way for a man to answer that question! If he looks, he's judging- if he doesn't look, he's not taking the question seriously- if he says yes, she cries- if he says no, she says he's lying.... Apart from that question being the one that probably makes men want to strangle women, asking it will kill desire stone cold fucking dead. Not to mention that a "yes" response might result in someone finding the guy the next morning with his head torn off.
1) A woman, in the midst of her mental cycle is being somewhat emotionally unstable, and a man utters these words....."what's your problem?!" DEADLY MISTAKE!!! The obvious answer to the question will be that HE is the problem, and if he escapes with his life, all happiness will most certainly be killed for him for the next 3-5 days.
2) When getting down to some serious foreplay, the woman turns to the man and utters these words..."do I look fat?" DEADLY MISTAKE!!! There is no "safe" way for a man to answer that question! If he looks, he's judging- if he doesn't look, he's not taking the question seriously- if he says yes, she cries- if he says no, she says he's lying.... Apart from that question being the one that probably makes men want to strangle women, asking it will kill desire stone cold fucking dead. Not to mention that a "yes" response might result in someone finding the guy the next morning with his head torn off.
"She was just nagging and whining and bitching, so I asked her what her problem was!"
"Ahh, that explains the bruises. Deadly mistake, mate."
"She asked me if she looked fat, right when I was about to take her from behind!"
"Gaaah! Deadly mistake! I bet that killed it!"
"Too fucking right, I was too stressed even to wank, and she just led there muttering and texting about what a cold hearted tosser I am"
"Ahh, that explains the bruises. Deadly mistake, mate."
"She asked me if she looked fat, right when I was about to take her from behind!"
"Gaaah! Deadly mistake! I bet that killed it!"
"Too fucking right, I was too stressed even to wank, and she just led there muttering and texting about what a cold hearted tosser I am"
by MagickDio April 1, 2010
Get the Deadly Mistakemug. Used to describe the behaviour of a guy that is heterosexual but for some reason, is acting gayer than a sailor in hotpants. Sometimes this is down to an unfortunate, yet entertaining personality trait. Other times it's totally random. Some fine examples of this behaviour are seen in guys that check themselves out in shop windows, guys that snatch up a copy of "Heat" and stare at the front page in clear disbelief, guys that say "Oh. My. GOD!!!", and guys that wave with all their fingers waggling like incy wincy spider.
-"Did you see that Beyoncé lost 12 pounds on a maple syrup diet? It's right here, look at this copy of Heat! Oh. My. GOD!!"
-"Dude, you're on the wrong side! We're here to buy porn!"
~ "Look at John, waving like a teenage harlot. He's on the wrong side today, that's for sure"
-"Dude, you're on the wrong side! We're here to buy porn!"
~ "Look at John, waving like a teenage harlot. He's on the wrong side today, that's for sure"
by MagickDio March 2, 2010
Get the Wrong Sidemug. 1)A situation where all was not well, sexually. This can apply to a dry spell or a sex session that went totally wrong
2) An individual who either never gets laid, or is appalling at it.
2) An individual who either never gets laid, or is appalling at it.
1) "I didn't pull last night, AGAIN. I'm going through a really unfucktionate time of late"
"Laura puked when she tried deep throating me. That was unfucktionate.
2) "That creepy guy who lives with his parents and wears white knee socks is so unfucktionate"
"So I finally went to bed with Steve, only to find out that the dude is crazily unfucktionate"
"Laura puked when she tried deep throating me. That was unfucktionate.
2) "That creepy guy who lives with his parents and wears white knee socks is so unfucktionate"
"So I finally went to bed with Steve, only to find out that the dude is crazily unfucktionate"
by MagickDio February 5, 2010
Get the Unfucktionatemug. Someone who licks pussy like it's the only thing they want to do. A cunnilingerer will not move away the second the orgasm has subsided, but will slowly start working up to a second one like the legend that they are. It's not a duty to these guys, it's a delicious, slippery privilege and they make that only too clear.
Guys- if you're not one of these tongue genuises, then become one. The world would be a much nicer place if we abolished fellate hate and made every guy a cunnilingerer.
Guys- if you're not one of these tongue genuises, then become one. The world would be a much nicer place if we abolished fellate hate and made every guy a cunnilingerer.
"I had such a good time with that random other I took home on Friday. He was a cunnilingerer- I almost regret not getting his name and number"
by MagickDio April 23, 2010
Get the Cunnilingerermug. Like a fuck buddy except this person isn't your buddy in any way shape or form. You have nothing but contempt, loathing and disgust for each other as people. Yet you call them or receive a text from them every time you're lonely or they're horny and you get it on. There will be no talking, except to trade insults. You will have no need to discuss "keeping this a secret" as you're both too ashamed to reveal this to anyone.
Ex's, long term partners and co workers can all become Fuck Nemeses.
Ex's, long term partners and co workers can all become Fuck Nemeses.
"Dear Diary,
I felt sad and lonely so I called Clive to come over and we had sex, after he called me a fat bitch. Oh, I need a boyfriend, not a fuck nemesis."
"Can't be bothered to try and pull or be nice to anyone. Time to call my fuck nemesis"
I felt sad and lonely so I called Clive to come over and we had sex, after he called me a fat bitch. Oh, I need a boyfriend, not a fuck nemesis."
"Can't be bothered to try and pull or be nice to anyone. Time to call my fuck nemesis"
by MagickDio February 18, 2010
Get the Fuck Nemesismug. There comes a point in an argument where your opponent runs out of logical material to use against you, yet refuses to conceed. This is the moment you enter Crazy Time. Men will recognise it as the part where women start yelling, through furious tears, about things that happened years previously, and putting a whole new spin on them, then telling the man exactly what he meant by what he said. Except it's rarely anything anyone would ever mean, or even think. Women will know it's Crazy Time when men start saying things like "I'm ending this argument right now!" and then continue bellowing about how it cannot be allowed to go on, and arguing over why it needs to be finished. Men can never finish an argument. They can only halt it "for now". The very same argument will be referenced and recommenced during the next period of Crazy Time.
Jennifer started to cry and shout at the same time, virtually incomprehensible wails about how last year, Doug HAD given her a funny look when she said hello to her ex, and that he had basically called her a whore when he commented on how nice it was that they were on speaking terms after all these years. It wasn't what he said, you understand, it was what he MEANT that made all the difference, and THAT is how Doug knew that they were in Crazy Time, yet again.
by MagickDio September 14, 2010
Get the Crazy Timemug. Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Get the Slow Jobmug.