Ever since Father O'Malley was caught butting that butt into that young choirboy's butt, he has become the butt of many cruel jokes.

1. The TIE Pilot HuManBing was lying in wait, with his shotgun sight trained on a hill.
His recent work freelancing had tired him of late, so he took some time off for a kill.
Away on a hilltop, cavorting around, effete and effeminate prey,
Were multiple Yoshi, inchoate and dozy, about whom the TIE Pilot said:

"Blood! Blood! Glorious blood! Nothing quite like it to make one feel good!
So slide-shuck your shotgun, assuming you've got one,
And then we'll go pot some for glorious blood!"

(This can be sung to the tune of "The Hippopotamus" if so desired.)

2. Last night, I ate so much curry and then took a shotgun dump, and now my toilet is full of crapnel that won't flush away.

3. "It is inadvisable for neophyte bukkakist to attempt shotgun without presence of trained professional medical team. Please also to ensure that said team is well equipped with defibrillators, Viagra, and large cotton sock in case of emergency." *demure titter, covers face with fan* ~ Speech given at the entrance of the Sapporo Tourist Baths by the geisha guide.

4. Girlfriend: Guess what, Brad!
Boyfriend: You're going to put a stud in your tongue and use ice cubes next time?
Girlfriend: No - I'm pregnant! :D
Boyfriend: SHIT.
Girlfriend: We're going to have a baby! :D
Boyfriend: FUCK.
Girlfriend: There's going to be the pitter-patter of little feet in the house! :D
Boyfriend: ARSE.
Girlfriend: What type of marriage would you like? White or peach?
Boyfriend: SCROTE.
Girlfrie...

I'm knackered. I have knackered my knackers on the knacker's knockers.

1. "Did you see that .jpeg of Madonna with the thong and pickled egg? I was on my way to work but when I saw that in my inbox I was waylaid by the need to rest awhile and knock one out."
2. "Billy, have you been knocking one out over here? The smell in this room is enough to knock one out."
3. "One has been knocking one out, one must pronounce oneself feeble as the strain of so doing has been enough to knock one out."
4. When two Scouse teenagers - wearing Kappa tracksuits and sporting formidable Scouse 'fro hairstyles - are going around smashing windows of buildings, and come across a 14th century church with several irreplaceable Gothic stained glass windows depicting scenes from the life of the Virgin Mary, passersby may often hear one Scouse youth inquire of the other whether the ecclesiastical image is worthy to be spared from their brand of urban renewal. The response is frequently "A-right, we'll just knock one out, then, an' leave the rest, okay Barry?" (HMB's Guide to Liverpool Nightlife, Fodders and Stoughton, 1993)

"A fayre visaged manne was in the partee,
Lipsed of voyse, and limpe of wriste eek.
Ful wynsomme a crafty butcher was he,
We played heide thee sausage and I could not sitte downe for a weeke."
- Geoffrey Chaucer, Prologue to the Canterbury Tales

HMB (who is male): So, AC, what did you do all day today?

AC (who is female): You would not believe. I found a kick-ass .zip of photochopped fake Johnny Depp porn. It was a really big file, too. I had to spend almost two hours rolling the mouse wheel just to get through it.

HMB: Dear me. Airing the orchid?

AC: You bet. I got my daily musical practice of playing the upside down piano.

HMB: Feeding oats to the pony?

AC: Tickling the toothless gibbon.

HMB: Typing in the gussets.

AC: Paddling the pink canoe until it leaks.

HMB: Finger painting the ham sandwich.

AC: Stirring the mixing bowl.

HMB: Petting the cat.

AC: Fingering the bald suspect.

HMB: ... So, um, can I borrow that .zip file? ... For, erm, personal reasons...

AC: !

1. and 2. "For Valentine's Day, do something special. Give her LADYWOOD."
~ failed marketing ploys of HM&B corporation.

(First heard in NBC's Will & Grace)