6 definitions by Funky Junk in my Trunk

Top Definition
The act of seasoning one's penis with exotic herbs and spices in preparation for a blowjob. This technique is believed to make the penis more appetizing to the giver of the blowjob as well as more nutritional. Common ingrediants include, but are not limited to: salt, pepper, nutmeg, and garlic, from which the act derives its name.
Allison: Hey Jess, what's that I smell on your breath?

Jess: Oh, I must have forgotten to brush my teeth!

Allison: Did you go out to eat at an Italian restaurant with Jim?

Jess: No, but after a night at the movies I had some Scottish Garlic Bread.
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 26, 2009
Occurs when a man has sex after an extended period of abstinence, usually several decades, which causes an abnormally large build-up of sperm. This long dry spell and accumulation of semen causes the sex itself to last for around three seconds, similar in duration to a bottle rocket. Following the ejaculation, a distant popping noise can be heard if one listens carefully.
Ursula: Hey, Olga, didn't you say you were leaving to have sex with Billy?

Olga: I did, it was amazing.

Ursula: You were only gone for three seconds, how is that even possible?

Olga: He had a Scottish Bottle Rocket.
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 26, 2009
A sexual act in which the male dips his hairy nuts into a jar of ink. After his nutsack is darkened with ink, he proceeds to smack them against a woman's breasts, attempting to form letters and perhaps even words.
Susan: Hey Tracy, what's that you've got on your chest? That looks like a pretty big bruise!

Tracy: Not quite, Mike got me with the Scottish Typewriter last night.
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 26, 2009
The distinct taste one gets from eating out a girl's love canal after she hasn't showered since the last leap year. Similar to normal puppy chow, this variety smells slightly of peanut butter and often leaves a white powedery residue on the lucky man's chin.
Man that girl's Scottish Puppy Chow is so tastey I wish I could put it in a bottle and sell it at the local bake-sale!
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 27, 2009
Occurs during the winter when a bear, most commonly of the grizzly or kodiak family, needs to find a nice warm cozy spot to take a several month long nap. What separates this special type of hibernation from the usual kind is that this bear finds a ridiculously floppy va-jay-jay and crawls inside it for the duration of the cold months.
Tom: Hey did you see Patty walk by? It looks like she's put on about 400 pounds in the pelvic region!

Stan: I know, I noticed that as well. Then again, it's almost winter, so I bet that bear we saw in the forest the other day is getting ready for a Scottish Hibernation.
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 27, 2009
What results after a desparate hiker gets lost in the woods and has to take the biggest, most explosive dump of his or her life. This sorry hiker then frantically searches for something which can be used as toilet paper, finding a three-leaved plant. This plant turns out to be poison ivy, and the intense rubbing action results in a horribly painful and itchy rash surrounding the hiker's butt-crack. Can last for up to several weeks and often gets inflamed if the hiker has a bad case of the hershey squirts.
Hot dang my butthole feels like it's about to spontaneously combust after I used that weird plant for toilet paper while camping last week. I'm not joking I mean I'm pretty sure this feels worse than that bad case of herpes that keeps coming back. I think I have the world's worst Scottish Rug Burn.
by Funky Junk in my Trunk January 27, 2009

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