A holiday in Italy with the prospect of getting nothing to eat all day but spaghetti bolognese.
John: Hi Dave, any news from Tom? Dave: Alas, we haven't heard from the poor sod since he went on a spag bol hol last month.
'To get hitched for half a monkey' is to do something or to have something done for a bargain (literally taken, it means to get married for just 250 pounds, which is dirt cheap)
What?! Fix your loo
for 5 quid
? Why do you always want to get hitched for half a monkey?!
When all of a sudden you realize something terrible has happened to you, it feels like being slapped in the face with a wet fish. In instances where you gain this insight right after waking up, you have obviously 'slept with a wet fish' only to realize what a fool you've been after you wake up.
When I woke up and realized those conmen
had tricked me out of a lot of dough
last night, I really knew I had slept with a wet fish all night long!