Toothless, overweight trailer park
denizens who have found some small semblance of life purpose through an artificial affinity to the University of Michigan
sports program, particularly football. Primarily high school dropouts and meth addicts, these miscreants come clad in bright blue and corn-colored costumes meant to advertise their allegiance to a school they've never attended nor seen beyond the parking lot trash bin they puked in on tailgate Saturday. Fond of denigrating other colleges for supposed inferior academics, the Walmart Wolverine is a rare example of the undereducated aping the customs of the snobbish "elite."
Yeah, he hates Michigan State, but don't worry, he's just a burger-flipping Walmart Wolverine with a GED from Costco.
The act of male masturbation.
Yeah, I'll be out of the bathroom in a minute. I haven't been laid in a month, so am just burping the orphan.
The guilt trip feisty parents like to send their children on when the darlings have become too big to spank.
Sorry, dude, I can't rage with you tonight. My room is a mess and my dad just gave me a one-way ticket on Guilt Airlines.
The act of hitting the front brake handle too forcefully on a bicycle, causing the torso to slide forward and the scrotum to painfully smack the handlebar brace. After the pain subsides, the swelling and purple testicles become a reminder of this careless mistake.
Hahaha -- did you see Stanley just pull a purple gurp? Swear to god, he flew over the handlebars after smashing his sack!
A swollen and irritated anus caused by any number of maladies, including anal sex, greasy bowel movements, or dirty thongs. Also used metaphorically to imply being beaten down my life's injustices, as in "my boss is such a dick. I need a drink cuz the work week left my corn chapped and swollen."
There's no fucking way I can go dancing tonight. My chapped corn is rawer than a shaved clitoris.
PBFs, short for Pabst Beer Farts, known for their reliably unique and pungent odor.
My mom wants me to go to lunch with her, but I think I better blow it off. That party last night left me with wicked PBFs.
Pejorative term for a University of Michigan fan, also known as a Wolverine
. This is an apt descriptor for two reasons: First, wolverines are stocky and muscular rodents
known for their nasty demeanor and musky stank, and are literally of the weasel family, Mustelidae. Second, and even more accurate, the term weasel is commonly applied to those of low moral character whom are typified by wheedling, whining, and overzealous aggression in pathetic attempts to gain unfair advantage in sport, business, and personal dealings.
Weasel: "Dude, what a rip off! Michigan had the game in the bag...if not for the crappy officiating and that touchdown Sparty scored after the clock ran out!"
Sparty: "Uh, don't be such a weasel. Michigan was behind by 28 points and didn't have a chance."
Weasel: "Yeah sure, you're just jealous because you didn't get into what we call 'the Harvard of the Midwest.' You know I love the maize!"
Sparty: " Actually I did get in.. to Northwestern, and the University of Chicago. And please stop whining; I'd take you more seriously if you didn't have that corn cob buried in your ass to the hilt."