Laying in bed, chubbed up, waiting for your roommate to go to sleep so you can pleasure yourself
"I had a Louisville Slugger-sized hardon last night and needed to crank one out, but my roomie was awake, watching some dumbass videos. I was up masturwaiting until 1:30am!"
Delicately balancing items at the top of an already-overflowing waste receptacle in order to avoid responsibility for emptying it.
"Hey man, quit playing Trash Jenga with that Dixie Cup and just empty the garbage already!"
Vomiting out the window of a moving vehicle onto someone's yard.
"Man, I was hammered last night. I did a lawn sprinkler on the old lady's house down the street on my way home!"
One who torments fast-food employees with ridiculously complex orders.
"Give me a cheeseburger with extra pickles, NO onions, and bbq sauce on the side. Oh, and a coke with very little ice."shakes head
"You are such a McDiva."
Reviewing everything you have eaten over the last 24 hours to determine what is causing your horrible-smelling gas.
"EWW! Dude, that fart stinks! What did you eat?"
"I dunno! I better do some dietary forensics!"
A loose female who, while not relationship material, is attractive enough to accompany you to formal events, and give you an enjoyable evening afterwards.
"Are you taking Tracy to your boss' wedding?"
"Nah son, we broke up. Gonna have to use my three-piece slut for this one!"