The Shaquille O'Neal is a sexual maneuver done while receiving a blowjob. When about to climax, the man should proceed to force the woman's head down with such intensity that his penis goes through the roof of her mouth and out the back of her skull. Essentially, 'slam dunking' her head like the object of extracurricular enjoyment that it is.
*Warning, do not actually attempt the Shaquille O'Neal, as it will result in death*
Tyrone: Did you hear!?
Jamaal: What ma nigga?
Tyrone: OJ is on trial again. Turns out he murdered another one of his bitches, this time by Shaquille O'Nealing her.
Jamaal: Oh shit! That crazy fucka neva learns!
A sexual position. A man or woman coats their hand and forearm with napalm, and then sets it alight. After this they then yell out "FALCON FIST!!!!" and proceed to fist a female in her vagina. She must be a firecrotch, or this could become dangerous.
Peter Parker: Yo, I totally Falcon Fisted MJ last night!
Harry: No way! Do the carpets match the drapes?
Peter: Yeah, luckily...if she wasn't a firecrotch she could have been pretty badly burned.
To beat someone unconscious with a bust of a penis, and then proceed to sodomize them with a telescope.
It is essentially a sexual position - of course done consensually - that is a montage of Stanley Kubrick's movies.
Alex: Okay my droogies, now here was the lowdown...I met this fine yenta outside the Korova Milkbar, and I broke the fourth wall by Stanley Kubricking her.
To cry while masturbating and using the tears as lubricant.
Sam: So how was the party last night?
Danny: It was okay, I went home early because there weren't enough bitches.
Sam: Did you crysturbate when you got home?
Danny: Yeah, it was a JOPO.
A sexual position which consists of a blumpkin
except where the one giving the blumpkin fucks a small, pasty frat boy
in the ass.
Tom: I got a Soloblumpkin last night.
Alex: So you had a good time at the frat party last night?
Tom: You could say that ;-)
The Owen Wilson is a celebrity inspired sexual position, doable by any number of people or genders. It requires one person to be kneeling on the ground in a blow job position, while the other person inserts an ass-to-ass dildo within their rectum. With the remaining length of the dildo, the person then spins around and slaps the kneeling individual, then jams the dildo through their eye.
This is also known as the Brazilian Wax Attack or the "Anal-Eyeball-Rape."
Joe-Beth: Did you hear!? Did you hear?!
Papi: No, what Joe-Beth?
Joe-Beth: Father Thomas was excommunicated for pulling an Owen Wilson on three choir boys...
Papi: Mary, Jesus and Joseph! I hope you didn't wax them afterwards...
A sexual act that occurs when person A shits into a clarinet, lights it on fire, and forcible inserts it into the anus or vagina of person B. This is not a sexual act for the faint of heart.
Becky: Ohhhhh, baby, give me that flaming clarinet!
Ryan: I don't know, I just pooped. I don't think I can squeeze one out right now.
Becky: It's fine. I just ate Taco Bell; the poop is flowing like the Rio Grande!