Carl Willis's definitions

skateboard

n. A four-wheeled board used for personal transportation, and as an instrument for denting railings, grinding stairways, chipping benches, and committing other acts of vandalism against public property.

"You get that skateboard off of my property, you filthy little pot-smoking delinquent! Or I'll call your mama up so she can give you a spanking!"

by Carl Willis October 12, 2004

physics package

n. (Military jargon) The essential workings of a nuclear or thermonuclear weapon. The "physics package" is designed by scientists at a weapons lab and comprises all the nuclear reactants used in the device, such as plutonium, lithium deuteride, etc. The military then decides how to deploy it (missiles, bombs, backpacks).

Military weaponeer: "The B-66A is an advanced, bunker-busting, anti-raghead weapon that is based on the Los Alamos E-1337 physics package. The guidance system uses a special neural network code to identify and deliver the device against brown-skinned persons of the Muslim persuasion..."

Dick Cheney: (Evil grin) "We're pleased with your rapid progress. The so-called "Ramadan" starts next month!"

by Carl Willis October 17, 2004

get hot

v. Get to work, get busy.

"You guys haven't started the project yet? Better get hot, biotches!"

by Carl Willis October 17, 2004

mtvu

(Proper noun / registered trademark) Music TeleVision for Universities. Insufferable pop trash and advertisement network that relentlessly targets the college student audience. MTVU especially tries to cultivate a loyal following from the Spring-Break Party Animals and Trendy Airheads, both of whom comprise the vast majority of the college demographic these days. The whole point of MTVU is to make money, of course. By negotiating contracts to have their inane audiovisual sewage piped into college cafeterias and similar public places on campus, MTVU hopes to brainwash its captive audience into a bunch of pop-culture-crazed, money-spending zombies.

Please see a mental health professional if you are regularly exposed to MTVU at school.

After a year of exposure to MTVU, Derek gave up studying, threw away his bluegrass records and replaced them with 50 Cent, went on a month-long drunken spring break in Cancun, became a bitch for Abercrombie, started dating promiscuous airheaded cheerleaders, bought a Hummer with his parents' money, and entered the wasted brotherhood of Sigma Upsilon Kappa. In short...they won his soul.

by Carl Willis November 9, 2004

spamvertise

v. (1) To advertise products or services via unsolicited, bulk email (spam).

(2) To abuse a particular Internet resource--such as a domain name--by spamming, frequently contributing to a blacklisting or loss of value of that resource.

(1) Those Russians are spamvertizing a penis pump that is guaranteed to "make yu0r c-0ck tre-mendous."

(2) B1gPen1sNow.com is a spamvertized domain name; don't buy it.

by Carl Willis November 12, 2004

shitless

Adj. Having an absence of faeces in one's colon, typically due to involuntary discharge of the bowels from extreme fright.

"After hearing what happened to bad little boys at Old English Preparatory Academy, William was scared shitless."

by Carl Willis November 16, 2004

thunderbolt

n. Nickname for the electric chair.

Out at the state pen at midnight, Big Willie's gonna ride the thunderbolt.

by Carl Willis December 1, 2004