Carl Willis's definitions

the white stuff

n. (1) Cocaine, particularly the fine powder of higher purity that is preferred for snorting by the wealthy. However, it CAN sometimes refer to crack rock in the ghetto.

(2) The mixture of partially hydrogenated, synthetic, spun fats and corn sweeteners that constitutes the standard filling in an Oreo cookie.

Her friends always knew that Courtney Love had a predilection for the white stuff.



Cop: Do you have anything on you that I need to know about?

Demetrius: Naw man, we doin' it all proper this time...NAW, whatchu wanna look in there for, man...SHIT that ain'tcho bidness man...

Cop: What's this? (pulls out a sack of crack rocks.)

Demetrius: (Sigh) That's the white stuff, just a little. I'm sorry officah. I ain't never gonna...

Cop: Looks more yellow that white. Did you cook this up, Demetrius? Be honest with me now.

Demetrius: Yessah. Mostly bakin' soda an' some chalk an' some Rat-B-Gone. I'm really sorry officah. I ain't ever gonna...

Cop: (Puts "Big D" into cruiser.) Watch your head there son.

by Carl Willis August 26, 2004

old sparky

n. Nickname for the electric chair, particularly that in the state of Florida.

"Any nigga that pop a cap on a cop gonna take a one-way ride on Old Sparky."

by Carl Willis December 1, 2004

spamvertise

v. (1) To advertise products or services via unsolicited, bulk email (spam).

(2) To abuse a particular Internet resource--such as a domain name--by spamming, frequently contributing to a blacklisting or loss of value of that resource.

(1) Those Russians are spamvertizing a penis pump that is guaranteed to "make yu0r c-0ck tre-mendous."

(2) B1gPen1sNow.com is a spamvertized domain name; don't buy it.

by Carl Willis November 12, 2004

lead hose

n. A rapid-fire automatic weapon that emits a nearly-continuous stream of bullets.

"After a spate of insurgent attacks, leadership was fed up and decided it was time to wash down the streets of Fallujah with a lead hose. A Humvee-mounted M2 0.50 cal was used on the men at the mosque, while a M134 minigun was chosen to neutralize the women and children in the market. According to FOX News, several insurgents may have been killed in the defensive action."

by Carl Willis June 29, 2006

wendy's

n. Fast food chain which cooks up a damn tasty bowl of chili.

If you're too much of a pansy for the "traditional" recipe, you can request that your chili be served without severed human appendages.

Cashier: Hello, welcome to Wendy's, what can we get for you?

Customer: I'll have a large bowl of chili, supersize that please, and uh...can you please hold the fingers and toes in that order, ma'am?

by Carl Willis March 27, 2005

shamrock

Verb.

(1) To screw someone over; scam.

(2) To inflict severe injury upon someone as leverage to facilitate the extortion of money.

"Shamrock" is most frequently encountered in the passive, as in, "you have been shamrocked." (Origin: Shamrock Towing, a notoriously unethical business in the greater Columbus, Ohio area, ca. 1957)

(1) After paying $115 for the predatory towing of his car, Willis figured out he'd been shamrocked and called an attorney.

(2) "You didn't pay Vinnie your protection this month?! Buddy, you are sooo shamrocked!"

by Carl Willis April 27, 2004

hair of the dog that bit me

Any alcoholic beverage, the consumption of which is supposed to clear up one's hangover from previous drinking (but will tend to have the opposite effect in reality). Origins of the phrase date back to medieval times, when hairs from a biting dog were put in the bite wound in the belief that this promoted healing.

Lloyd: What will you be drinking, sir?

Jack: Hair of the dog that bit me, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Bourbon on the rocks?

Jack: That'll do it.

by Carl Willis January 7, 2006