CATFOOODS's definitions

The Old Door Trick

The method of removing a soiled tampon by connecting the string to a doorknob with a longer string and then slamming the door. Similar to how adult teeth are extracted.

It is common practice and courtesy to drape plastic sheeting along the walls, ceiling, and flooring if this is not performed in one's own home.

Lina: "Oh shit, my period ended a week ago and I forgot to take out my tampon! It looks like it's not budging... I better resort to The Old Door Trick before the TSS sets in!"

by CATFOOODS January 29, 2012

Calico Smingsmangs

A variation of the brutal sexually transmitted disease (Smingsmangs) where the functions of the vagina and the anus trade places without physically moving.

Nancy: "Wow Peggy, you have quite a robust queef!"
Peggy: "I would love to take credit for that, but it is actually gas escaping from my rectum. I caught the Calico Smingsmangs while serving time in Vietnam and all of my feces have been oozing from my vagina ever since."

by CATFOOODS January 29, 2012

Taxidinker

A taxidermy penis of an animal used as a dildo for sexual activities.

Taxidinkers are commonly made from exotic animals such as bears, horses, and dalmatians.

Robert: "Mom laid the cow penis on the kitchen counter when she was cooking last night instead of throwing it out. Yuck!"
Billy: "Butchers don't give you the penis, Robert... That sounds like a taxidinker if you ask me. Your mom is hot."
Robert: "Shut up, Dad!"

by CATFOOODS January 29, 2012

Shit Bath

The act of pouring bubble bath, bath salts, or dish soap in the toilet prior to passing a bowel movement. Many people enjoy listening to sounds of nature records while performing a shit bath.

Kelly: "I feel like I have been neglecting my mud muffins lately. My poop has been nothing but good to me and I haven't done a single nice thing back. I'm going to treat the next one to a nice shit bath."
Dad: "Don't use the good laundry detergent."

by CATFOOODS February 1, 2012

Helicopter Splatter

A form of painting where a man dips his penis in a quality paint and proceeds to whip his penis around in a circular propeller motion.

Clockwise helicopter splatter tends to result in a more smooth and even coating, while counter-clockwise often results in a more textured and artistic look.

Circumcised penises hold more paint, similar to a longer nap on a paint roller.

Jane: "I really want to paint my room but I forgot to buy brushes. Too bad I don't have a penis, otherwise I would just helicopter splatter all over this motherfucker."

by CATFOOODS January 29, 2012

Tip Splitter

When an item is jammed so deep and hard into a man's urethra that the opening rips, making the penis look like a snake's tongue.

Roger: "Damn son, your piss is spraying everywhere! You wearing a fan spray nozzle on your weiner or something?"
Jim: "Nah dude, I fell dick first on a screwdriver last night and it gave me a tip splitter."

by CATFOOODS February 11, 2012

Clean Sweep

When an individual passes a bowel movement and has no need to wipe because of the toilet paper he or she has been eating.

Mary: "Damnit Todd, that toilet paper is fucking expensive! Stop eating it!"
Todd: "I thought you would like that I am an advocate for the clean sweep. Want some salad?"

by CATFOOODS January 29, 2012