Something that impressionable nerds started chowing down on just because Maddox, Chuck Norris, and United States Marines started to talk about the stuff, so wimpy skinny nerds love it too!
Its like when people started twirling pens when they saw Top Gun. Of course they felt it looked retarded, but it looked cool in front of the chicks.
Unfortunately it doesn't obscure the fact that you have poor hygiene, a ugly face, and poor social skills. All you achieved is totally destroying all your taste buds with a shitty sauce thats based upon pure-heat than flavor.
The only good use for Tabasco Sauce is to hide the lousy taste of terrible cooking.
Otherwise it just ruins and vandalizes good ol' homecooked flavor with vinegar, peppar, and salt.
Your a loser if you eat Tabasco sauce just because Maddox said so. Go BECOME a role model instead of imitating a crazed internet nerd who worked as a telemarketer. You fail at everything in life if you can't make your own decisions and rely on Maddox to tell you what.
Yeah I know there are other crappy flavors of Tabasco, but you
'll just get called a faggot by a insecure nerd for looking at a bottle of chipotle sauce.
Something that racial-fascists are sensitive to. Whiny minorities fail to realize that they themselves maintain ethnic barriers, due to their chronic bitching about offensive racial jibes. Taking stereotypes too seriously just draws more clear boundaries between ethnic groups.
News reporter: Highway traffic crawled down to 25 mph today after several Asian street racers induced a severe automobile logjam at the Route 15 off ramp due to bad driving. Wait, we have a caller.
Sensitive Asian Anonymous Caller #1: Yu lacist plick!
Sensitive Asian Anonymous Caller #2: Rook! Don't pray onto our stereotypes. We people, nawt stah-tis-tick!
Idol of impressionable computer geeks everywhere.
For any pimply, pasty nerd thats too chickenshit to go get the mail outside because the deadly solar rays reflected by the moon will burn their skin like dried straw, they look to the Great Overlord Maddox as their guidance.
According to the teachings of the Great Maddox:
1. All computer nerds love Tabasco Sauce, because subjecting your tastebuds to a food condiment that'll singe the fuck out of your tastebuds is the best way to prove that your too fucking macho for your less macho peers. The testosterone increase from the burning pain will give you the balls you need to log back on IRC chat and give your online opponents a sound verbal thrashing, perhaps causing your nerdy rival to shoot himself in front of his webcam.
2. All computer nerds must routinely beat their women to reaffirm that they are the head of the house, and her main man. Doesn't really apply though, because computer nerds will remain virgins forever.
3. All computer nerds do what they want and feel. If a nerd does not want to go outside to Gold's Gym to do some bench presses or run on the treadmill, they don't have to! If a nerd doesn't want to lose weight, and just keep packing on some more weight from hot pockets, Pocky brand wood sticks, and root beer, he doesn't have to!
Maddox isn't your role model and god. Fucking go outside and do something with your life. If you are any sort of a real man, you should be able to think independently rather than copycatting another loser.
Or you can just perceive Maddox's Best Page In The Universe as very clever satire of common misconceptions of manliness and machoism.
Maddox basically states that "men":
1. Are always insecure about their sexuality, and hates fags because of that.
2. Do stupid thinks to make people think they're really "men".
3. Engage in random acts of violence from testosterone poisoning.
4. Own an entire harem of expendable wives.
Dolphins, killer whales, and penguins.
Sometimes silly humans think they are dolphins too, and eat nothing but fish and plants, sometimes flopping deep into the ocean to hunt for food, but getting gnawed apart by a hungry school of sharks instead.
Yeah, Danny thought he was a pescetarian, so he jumped off the cruise ship to look for food, but then a great white ate him!
Modern pop culture does not hate it because its "boring", they hate the people who listen to it because it makes themselves feel "smart" and "deep".
Nobody gives a shit on your analysis of how this chord and tone sounds mean and how the conductor's frantic swaying reflects their "soul", "emotional state", and "conclusive dipshittery".
For those who really do love it, I'm not bashing your music, I hold no grudge against true appreciators of your art. However, I do harbor a hate for people who listen to it just to elevate their own egos, or were forced to listen to it by browbeating parents.
Either that, or modern methods of composing music makes the traditional way of making noises by means of carved wood, strings, and hollowed lead pipes appear dinosauric.
Upon posting this definition of "classical music", a ragtag lynch mob composed of angry college professors, browbeaten Asians with violins, and dweeby bookworms has assembled before my home half a second later to have me tarred and feathered.
