Anonymous submissions's definitions

O.C.C.I.D

An acronym for the tragic and debilitating medical condition- Obsessive Compulsive Calendar Invite Dickhead. Sufferers are known to infuriatingly and incessantly send google calendar invites to acquaintances for even the most trivial of scheduled appointments, thus clogging up the unwilling recipients email, calendar and life. The only proven treatment is for the perpetrator to be euthanised.

Pottsy: 'It's your round, I'm going to go for a piss.'
George: 'Hang on, I need a piss too- I'll send you a calendar invite'
Pottsy: (farting disapprovingly) 'Your O.C.C.I.D. is next level...plus why the fuck does the calendar invite say 'Piss and Dutch rudder? It's not a Tuesday'

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2017

Discuntent

When a heterosexual male (or vaginatarian) is dissatisfied with the overall number of sexual conquests they have achieved to date i.e a down-in-the-dumps no-pumps chump

Bill: ‘Mate, can I talk to you? My discuntent keeps deteriorating so much that I’ve booked in for a penis extension’
Ted: ‘Ha!’
Bill: ‘I’m not joking, I’ve already got the appointment booked’
Ted: ‘It’s not that, I’m just surprised you think your tiny cock is the root cause of your discuntent, when it’s actually the fact that your face looks like it caught on fire and was put out with a bike chain’

by Anonymous submissions June 2, 2021

Wankerfied

To get so shitfaced that one behaves like a complete and utter wanker.

'Dude, I was so categorically wankerfied last night I tried to force feed my Nan my penis. That's why I always find the combination of open bar and open casket at the wake particularly dangerous.'

by Anonymous submissions December 20, 2017

Christmas Crackwhore

A type of light entertainment that can be incorporated onto the Christmas table to add a bit of 'bang' to the traditional festive banquet. A smuttier and more entertaining alternative to the routine Christmas cracker, yet more prone to leave the operator with a bevy of sexually transmitted infections.

'Who wants to do this Christmas crackwhore with me? I'd go halvesies with Grandpa again, only last time we shared a Christmas crackwhore the bang gave him a stroke, and now his entire left side is more flaccid than Stephen Hawking's penis

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2016

Charles Dickcunts

The visionary pornographic director behind such adult film classics as 'A tale of two clitties,' 'David Copafeel' and 'Great expecting Asians.'

'Dude, did you catch the new Charles Dickcunts porno on Pay-per-view last night? I haven't been that hard since I watched 'The Res-erection of Christ; this time Jesus does the nailing.'

by Anonymous submissions March 1, 2017

Cockoo

When the male phallus inadvertently emergences through the gap in one’s boxer shorts, often unbeknownst to the owner, and hence resembling a cuckoo clock chiming.
Unlike a cuckoo clock however, there is no pleasant sound, just the unwelcome sight of some reprobate’s rancid schwantz.

Lawyer 1: ‘so I said rather comically, ‘mens rea’ sounds like the sibling of Dire and Gonnie, and she said..’
Lawyer 2: ‘I’m sorry, Babs but I cannot concentrate because of your cockoo.’
Lawyer 1: ‘My cuckoo? I don’t have a pet cuckoo?’
Lawyer 2: ‘I said ‘cockoo’, Babs, you wankbiscuit. Your tallywhacker is making an appearance about as welcome as Adolf at my bar mitzvah’

by Anonymous submissions January 21, 2024

Rosé tinted glasses

A phenomenon, similar to beer goggles whereby the more glasses of rosé a female consumes, the more attractive a male may appear. This then means that a beautiful woman may lower herself to a less-than-stunning bloke, should she consume enough glasses of rosé.

'Hey bro, come look at this stunning girl giving me the eye. She's obviously looking at me through rosé tinted glasses as she hasn't even noticed that I have vomit on my sweater or that my pecker is hanging out.'

by Anonymous submissions October 30, 2016