Anonymous submissions's definitions

Einstein's theory of relative titty

The more closely related to you a female is, the larger her breasts have to be for you to be enticed to get all incestual with her. As it is generally frowned upon in most cultures to bome one's sister, said sister's breasts would need to be the size of basketballs in order to tempt one into doing so. However, a fourth cousin twice removed might have non-existent breasts, but one would have no qualms about shagging her, as the two parties share only a dash of genetic material (in her vagina).

'Dude, Einstein's theory of relative titty is definitely factual as no sooner had Mum had her double D boob job, then I was on top of her sending my penis back from whenst it came (her vagina). Then I came.'

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2017

Wankerfied

To get so shitfaced that one behaves like a complete and utter wanker.

'Dude, I was so categorically wankerfied last night I tried to force feed my Nan my penis. That's why I always find the combination of open bar and open casket at the wake particularly dangerous.'

by Anonymous submissions December 20, 2017

Standard deviantAsian

A slant (pun intended) on the traditional statistical feature of standard deviation whereby the sexual deviance levels of an Asian male can be predicted by positive linear equation, as they are largely constant

'What is it about being a standard deviantAsian? Here I was minding my own business enjoying a spot of inoccuous Japanese porn in the work toilet cubicle on my lunch break when the whole thing inevitably descended into a bukkake fest. It was terribly off-putting. Those crazy Asians like filth nearly as much as they like rice and foot binding'

by Anonymous submissions December 30, 2016

Sackreligious

When an atheist follows his sack and pretends to be religious in order to penetrate a good Christian girl.

'Dude, I got sackreligious yesterday and devirginated this smoking hot Christian girl. I would have had absolutely no chance had she not thought that I loved Jesus....and had a knife.'

by Anonymous submissions December 19, 2017

Cockoo

When the male phallus inadvertently emergences through the gap in one’s boxer shorts, often unbeknownst to the owner, and hence resembling a cuckoo clock chiming.

Unlike a cuckoo clock, however, there is no pleasant sound, just the sight of some reprobate’s rancid schwantz.

Lawyer 1: ‘so I said rather comically, ‘mens rea’ sounds like the sibling of Dire and Gonnie, and she said..’
Lawyer 2: ‘I’m sorry, Babs but I cannot concentrate because of your cockoo.’
Lawyer 1: ‘My cuckoo? I don’t have a pet cuckoo?’
Lawyer 2: ‘I said ‘cockoo’, Babs, you wankbiscuit. Your tallywhacker is making an appearance about as welcome as Adolf at my bar mitzvah’

by Anonymous submissions January 11, 2024

Spazzle

To dazzle an individual or crowd with one's ability to act like a complete and utter spaz.

'Geez, I really managed to spazzle my boss at the work Christmas party last night- I got so shitfaced that I tried to covertly relieve myself in a coke bottle under the dinner table. In hindsight it was pretty ambitious to think that the poo would have been able to get through the coke bottle neck..'

by Anonymous submissions December 20, 2017

Spastamacunted

Absolutely, unequivocally shitfaced.

Luke: ''Look at Harry- he's so spastamacunted that he's basically become a puddle; I honestly can't tell where he ends and the vomit and semen begins.''

Harry: ''Please, I'm not drunk- I've been raped and have a head injury- I need a doctor''

Luke: ''Classic Harry- always joking around, covered in jizz''

by Anonymous submissions September 24, 2018