Anonymous submissions's definitions

Designer China Vagina

An expensive and often quite painful surgical procedure where the vagina is rotated 90 degrees so as to resemble a Chinese person’s slitty eyes. Functionally this is of no benefit and can often result in several serious health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.

George: ‘Hey beautiful, are you a boy or a girl?’
Thai hooker: ‘As of last week I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina!’
George (popping a viagra and unbuckling furiously): ‘Buckle up..’

by Anonymous submissions April 24, 2025

Interrogaytion

An interrogation whereby the interrogator uses ostentatious homosexual behaviour as a means to elicit a confession from a perpetrator.

Interrogator: (completing an interpretive dance routine to 'It's raining men,' whilst dressed in pink hotpants, staring provocatively and deep-throating a banana)
'I can do this all night, sugar pea..'

Perpetrator: 'Okay, okay. I confess, I confess! I did it. Just please make this interrogaytion stop..and kindly remove your penis from my anus.'

by Anonymous submissions February 1, 2017

Day in loo

Similar to an unauthorised day in lieu, where one spends the day in a work cubicle playing phone games, searching for porn and thinking about urban dictionary definitions.

Boss: 'Are you taking another day in loo then, David?'
David: 'How'd you know, Boss?'
Boss: 'Partly because you missed the big meeting, but mainly cause you're absolutely covered in jizz, you reprobate'

by Anonymous submissions May 13, 2019

Defecate deficit

Constipated or bunged up.

'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'

by Anonymous submissions January 4, 2017

masdisturbing

To use a truly disturbing image as wank fodder.

I was at my uncle's funeral yesterday and seeing him there lying cold and expressionless in an open casket brought a tear to my eye. Granted the tear was the end product of some vigorous masdisturbing but that's beside the point. I have to say that it was nice of the Priest to let me finish up before starting the service, although watching him deliver the sermon with my tadpoles still hanging from his gnashers was slightly off-putting.

by Anonymous submissions February 9, 2017

Epping carnage poo

The official name for the London party borough of Epping, so named because the nightlife there is so wild that even the most reluctant of participants will inevitably lose their shit as the night progresses

'Jesus Christ almighty, what the fuck happened last night? Looks like the Epping carnage poo struck again because I've not only got memory loss but I also appear to have shat the bed. I say shat but it could be Nutella. (sniffs brown stain in question). Nope, it's definitely shit.'

by Anonymous submissions January 7, 2017

Backyard spactard

A full-blown, several-sandwiches-short-of-a-picnic specialist whose mental retardation is so debilitatingly extreme that they are forced to live in the backyard. This living arrangement is usually necessitated by the high risk of poisoning through licking the toxic cleaning products off the windows, should said backyard spactard remain indoors.

Liverpool put in a good showing in the Champion's League Final the other night. If it hadn't been for Karius goalkeeping like a backyard spactard, they might have won the game. I knew he'd be shit the day he signed for the club using his favourite crayon..

by Anonymous submissions July 19, 2018