Anonymous submissions's definitions

Designer China Vagina

An expensive and often quite painful surgical procedure where the vagina is rotated 90 degrees so as to resemble a Chinese person’s slitty eyes. Functionally this is of no benefit and can often result in several serious health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.

George: ‘Hey beautiful, are you a boy or a girl?’
Thai hooker: ‘As of last week I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina!’
George (popping a viagra and unbuckling furiously): ‘Buckle up..’

by Anonymous submissions April 24, 2025

Einstein's theory of relative titty

The more closely related to you a female is, the larger her breasts have to be for you to be enticed to get all incestual with her. As it is generally frowned upon in most cultures to bome one's sister, said sister's breasts would need to be the size of basketballs in order to tempt one into doing so. However, a fourth cousin twice removed might have non-existent breasts, but one would have no qualms about shagging her, as the two parties share only a dash of genetic material (in her vagina).

'Dude, Einstein's theory of relative titty is definitely factual as no sooner had Mum had her double D boob job, then I was on top of her sending my penis back from whenst it came (her vagina). Then I came.'

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2017

Metabojism

The metabolic ability of a female (or raging tail gunner) to process nature's yoghurt i.e. a teaspoon of sperm cider

Beatrice: 'Jessica, darling you look absolutely divine- you must tell me your diet secret'
Jessica: 'Well Beatrice, I guess I was just thankfully born with a stupendous metabojism as I manage to stay wafer-thin despite smoking more Poles than Hitler did in all of Word War II'

by Anonymous submissions July 23, 2018

Potteresque

Truly magical/indefinably awesome- a versatile term encompassing a wide range of classy actions and objects

Liverpool coming back from 3-0 down in the 2005 Champions League final to win it was a potteresque performance.

by Anonymous submissions June 24, 2020

Labia lady tonight

The original title for the Frank Sinatra classic; 'Luck, be a lady tonight.' The title was changed after producers found that focus groups struggled to relate to lyrics about a woman comprised almost entirely of cuntflaps.

Frank (singing in studio): 'Labia lady tonight, your beef curtains gave me a fright'
Producer: 'Ahhh, Frank, those lyrics really aren't doing it for me- I think fans will struggle to relate to a woman with engorged labia'
Frank: (farts disapprovingly)

by Anonymous submissions December 31, 2016

Christmas Crackwhore

A type of light entertainment that can be incorporated onto the Christmas table to add a bit of 'bang' to the traditional festive banquet. A smuttier and more entertaining alternative to the routine Christmas cracker, yet more prone to leave the operator with a bevy of sexually transmitted infections.

'Who wants to do this Christmas crackwhore with me? I'd go halvesies with Grandpa again, only last time we shared a Christmas crackwhore the bang gave him a stroke, and now his entire left side is more flaccid than Stephen Hawking's penis

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2016

Rosé tinted glasses

A phenomenon, similar to beer goggles whereby the more glasses of rosé a female consumes, the more attractive a male may appear. This then means that a beautiful woman may lower herself to a less-than-stunning bloke, should she consume enough glasses of rosé.

'Hey bro, come look at this stunning girl giving me the eye. She's obviously looking at me through rosé tinted glasses as she hasn't even noticed that I have vomit on my sweater or that my pecker is hanging out.'

by Anonymous submissions October 30, 2016