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4 definitions by ASBands

 
1.
A toy party is a gathering of various females who bring their own sex toys (dildos, vibrators, etc.), lube and soap and water. The fun begins when they "experiment" with these appliances on each other. It is a common practice in college and hints at lesbianism, however, pornography and topless pictures of males keep it a fairly heterosexual event, with more sexual liberation and feminism, which makes it less gay than a circle jerk.
Guy: Yeah, one of my female friends invited me to be a gag stripper for a party they were having. They were trying to hide it, but I'm pretty sure I saw at least one dildo and a bottle of astroglide. I think they were going to have a toy party after I left.
by ASBands July 24, 2006
 
2.
A derogatory term used in reference to hard rock music, referring to overuse of amplification on boring chord processions, extreme pounding of the bass drum with the pedal at a rapid rate, repetitive and often stupid lyrics and yelling (as opposed to singing) said lyrics.

Simply said, penis rock is music that is played by rock bands that have no talent and think that if they are loud enough, people will like them.
Metallica Mike: I'm listening to Metallica's new CD St. Anger.
Metallica Matt: Why are you listening to that penis rock when you could listen to Master of Puppets or And Justice for All.

Hardcore Hank: I'm listening to Slipknot's "Pulse of the Maggots."
Iron Maiden I Can't think of a name that starts with 'I': Why the hell do you like that penis rock? That is Slipknot's worst song.

Blood Brothers Berry: I like the Blood Brothers' early CDs, which involve much pounding and screaming.
The Spirit of Dimebag Darrell: That would be penis rock, but the lyrics are deep and meaningful (as only the God of Metal like me would understand). Pantera is awesome.
by ASBands January 18, 2006
 
3.
A member of society that has obviously become a parent because of their complete inept at the use of birth control or outright stupidity. In every single case of teenage parenting, abortion is the correct solution, no matter what the psychological impact, religious or parental influence may be. Even in cases of rape, the teen parent is a complete and total retard, even if it was against his or her will. Any person who has elected to give birth and attempt to raise a child as a teenager is an idiot for their inept or for their bad luck.

Even when the teenager grows older, he or she will never possess maturity and will never realize that what happened was a bad decision (because every pregnancy was carefully calculated). Whereas mature, adult parents often claim that their child is "the best thing that ever happened to them," no teenage parent feels this way because their children are and will always be a burden with no tangible rewards (as tangible rewards are the only things teens may comprehend). Any person who was or is a teen parent that views their child as anything other than a burden is an idiot for thinking that.

It is the accepted norm of each village to throw small rocks or sizable chunks of lead at each teenage parent on sight. This action promotes the general feeling that all teenage parents are idiots, no matter how responsible they were after their initially mistake or rotten luck.

In conclusion, all babies born of teen parents should be sent to the people of Ireland for feeding. The parents of said babies should all be taken to the local Town Hall and publically executed, broadcast on FOX. Perhaps Simon from American Idol will show up with his "brilliant" generic cynicism to let the would-be teen parents know that they are and forever will be, fucking idiots.
Child 1: Did you hear about Joanne? She's going to become a teen parent!
Child 2: That slut cannot keep her legs closed, and that Bill should have worn a condom! God, they are so stupid!
Child 1: I know...well, I mean she was on the Pill and the condom broke, but they should have been prepared for that shit, the idiots!
Child 2: They were both accepted to Ivy League schools, too...I guess their dreams of ever making large sums of money just went out the window. Serves them right, fucking idiots.

Adult 1: Did you hear, Bob's son, Bill got Jill's daughter, Joanne pregnant? They had an abortion because of the financial stress it would have put on them.
Adult 2: Really? I never had sex before marriage because it's against my religion. I condemn them because abortion is also against my religion. They are bad people.
Adult 1: Maybe if the children had access to condoms, they could have prevented the pregnancy in the first place. Unfortunately, two years ago your right-wing conservative groups banned the sale of condoms to minors.
Adult 2: Perhaps if they had followed the cirriculum of abstinence only, it wouldn't have happened either.
by ASBands June 04, 2006
 
4.
A game that takes all sorts of cunning, wit, skill, coordination, speed and yes, steroids. This sport is America's pasttime and was at one point actually fun to watch, a game where very few pitchers could throw in the 90s and it didn't even revolve around the longball (hard to imagine). These days, the question is who is the next big steroid bust going to be and how much money the trade will be worth. Unfortunately, the commissioner of baseball (Bud Selig) will never be able to truely enforce any regulation to clean up the game because of the incredibly strong Major League Baseball Players Association (led by anti-testing proponent donald Fehr). The MLBPA also has kept baseball as the only professional sport without a hard salary cap, which allows powerhouse teams such as the Yankees to buy all the high-market talent.

It is still a fun sport, but it would be a bad idea for anyone to attend or watch any baseball games until the sport is cleaned up.
Rafael Palmeiro: "Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids, period."
====10 days pass====
Rafael Palmeiro: "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period. Ultimately, although I never intentionally put a banned substance into my body, the independent arbitrator ruled that I had to be suspended under the terms of the program."

Jason Grimsley confessed to the use of human growth hormones, amphetamines and steroids in 2003. Grimsley openly admitted to having half of his net-worth invested in his brother-in-law's pharmaceutical company and that he, Grimsley, was playing baseball as a hobby - implying that Grimsley is deeply entrenched personally and financially in widespread steroid use throughout Major League Baseball.
by ASBands July 24, 2006