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Traffiction is a fabricated or embellished story detailing a chaotic scene of gridlock conceived and delivered in an effort to explain one’s tardiness or absence from work / a party / your wedding / etc.

Good things to reference when telling a traffictional story:
1. Man on fire (include details like, “waving his arms wildly”)
2. Godzilla
3. Broken-down bus of cheerleaders
4. Volcanic eruption
5. Scene from Armageddon (just don’t mention Bruce Willis)
6. Sanjaya
Example of traffiction:
Wow, I know I’m late, but there was the most incredible accident on the Beltway that tied me up for hours! I was moving along making great time, when up ahead I could just make out a cow wandering onto the highway. I guess the tractor trailer ahead of me didn’t see it –he must have been going at least 80 mph. The explosive impact had cars screeching to a halt and ended in a massive pileup. I was able to stop in time, but it still took the workers and clean-up crew several hours to carve a path through the cars and meat. As I finally passed by the (now totaled) tractor trailer, I noticed the mangled Chick-fil-a logo…irony can be so cruel. So, anyway…did I miss the birth of our son?
by Trevor Browne May 30, 2007
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