kurtoasted

Core ruination, utter failure, complete devastation, intractable destruction, or any other extremely undesirable outcome resulting from an event never seen coming or seemingly so unlikely as to warrant no consideration in the first place. Such occurrences have popularly become known as 'black swans'.

The word is derived from kurtosis, used in statistics to measure the likelihood of extremely unlikely events. A higher kurtosis value indicates that extreme events constitute a higher proportion of the possible outcomes associated with any given event, though this can only be discerned after such events occur. This is more commonly known as the 'fat-tail' of a probability distribution.

John was kurtoasted upon discovering that his wife was actually his fraternal twin sister, separated from him at birth. Shortly before hanging himself, he is recorded as saying "People will think I killed myself out of shame, but they'll be wrong one thing. I could have lived with having had sex with my sister for years. But I simply can't face the fact that my twin sister was such a dirty slut."

kurtoasted by Zookeep March 18, 2010

Kurtassed 

To be Kurtassed is to be working on a Friday, ready to enjoy your weekend and your coworker needs help at quittin time.

Guy: are you excited to get started on slamming some Busch lattes?
Other guy: hellz yeah.
Phone rings*
Guy: well looks like we’re going to have to post pone the lattes, we just got Kurtassed.

Kurtassed by WeDemPlumbinBoyz April 15, 2022