kale-bag
A person who mindlessly adopts society's health, exercise, or diet trends, often blithely engaging in irrational consumer behaviors merely to conform to what social media or particular health club acquaintances claim to be effective for accomplishing fitness goals, but in reality reflecting nothing more than a douchebag who "yearns to belong" by proclaiming to be into "healthy living" (i.e., a kale-bag).
Idiot person on conformi-zombie diet: "I had a delicious and nutritious kale, quinoa, and goat cheese emu-egg omelette for breakfast!"
Reasonable person: "You are a frickin' kale-bag."
Person who baselessly claims to be a "runner": "My IT band injury escalated after that 5K; I'm going to be using the foam roller for the rest of the day!"
Actual runner: "You frickin' kale-bag."
Crossfit freak: "I did 50 squat-jump-burpee-lunges and 20 kettle bell jump-pullup-lifts, and then I went to Whole Foods to get a kale shake."
Person who uses brain: "Congratulations! You're a kale-bag!"
Reasonable person: "You are a frickin' kale-bag."
Person who baselessly claims to be a "runner": "My IT band injury escalated after that 5K; I'm going to be using the foam roller for the rest of the day!"
Actual runner: "You frickin' kale-bag."
Crossfit freak: "I did 50 squat-jump-burpee-lunges and 20 kettle bell jump-pullup-lifts, and then I went to Whole Foods to get a kale shake."
Person who uses brain: "Congratulations! You're a kale-bag!"
kale-bag by Peachdog Jones December 13, 2013
Urban Dictionary Merch