douche dining
Dining where the word "value" cannot be used in any meaningful way.
Often done by yuppies who think throwing money away on bite-sized entrees is the definition of class, or those who think that being seen in such establishments will get them the woman/man of their dreams, or a large promotion at work.
Douche dining may be done by the truly wealthy aka 1%, but unfortunately the majority are those who also wear fake LV purses (or simply Coach).
Douche dining checklist:
1) The name of the restaurant contains the name of some celebrity chef.
2) The place has some kind of dress code. No jeans and runners here.
3) The waitresses and half the female customers wobble when walking in their high-heels.
4) The inside of the establishment is painted black, and/and the lighting is so dim you can barely read the menu.
5) Each dish is smaller than a softball, and contains some ingredients you've never heard of, from some part of the world you've also never heard of. Extra points if the ingredient comes from an endangered animal or plant.
6) Each dish is completely covered with the chef's fingerprints.
7) The final bill is over $40 after drinks, taxes, and tips. Bonus points if you break $80 a head.
8) You leave hungry, and seriously consider picking up a Big Mac or Whopper on the way home.
If all conditions were met, you have just officially douche dined. Congratulations, you are officially a douche. Frame that receipt. We have a winner!
Often done by yuppies who think throwing money away on bite-sized entrees is the definition of class, or those who think that being seen in such establishments will get them the woman/man of their dreams, or a large promotion at work.
Douche dining may be done by the truly wealthy aka 1%, but unfortunately the majority are those who also wear fake LV purses (or simply Coach).
Douche dining checklist:
1) The name of the restaurant contains the name of some celebrity chef.
2) The place has some kind of dress code. No jeans and runners here.
3) The waitresses and half the female customers wobble when walking in their high-heels.
4) The inside of the establishment is painted black, and/and the lighting is so dim you can barely read the menu.
5) Each dish is smaller than a softball, and contains some ingredients you've never heard of, from some part of the world you've also never heard of. Extra points if the ingredient comes from an endangered animal or plant.
6) Each dish is completely covered with the chef's fingerprints.
7) The final bill is over $40 after drinks, taxes, and tips. Bonus points if you break $80 a head.
8) You leave hungry, and seriously consider picking up a Big Mac or Whopper on the way home.
If all conditions were met, you have just officially douche dined. Congratulations, you are officially a douche. Frame that receipt. We have a winner!
The receptionist seems to be doing a lot of douche dining recently. Guess the boss really likes her performance in bed.
Diana was all about the douche dining, even though she had never cracked $12 an hour in her life. Now if only she could find a rich husband..
For some, the desire to douche dine for 10 years outweighs the ability to purchase a future dwelling in the next 20 years.
See that girl over there? She doesn't even know which fork to use first. I hope her date at least gets some poon out of the deal.
Irene celebrated her pay day with a weekend of douche dining, followed by 2 weeks of living on food stamps.
Diana was all about the douche dining, even though she had never cracked $12 an hour in her life. Now if only she could find a rich husband..
For some, the desire to douche dine for 10 years outweighs the ability to purchase a future dwelling in the next 20 years.
See that girl over there? She doesn't even know which fork to use first. I hope her date at least gets some poon out of the deal.
Irene celebrated her pay day with a weekend of douche dining, followed by 2 weeks of living on food stamps.
douche dining by Slammer111 October 17, 2013
