chimputer

A hybrid of chimp and computer, a chimputer is a machine that behaves badly, especially one that had previously operated well, until some attack or catastrophic error that requires the attention of an administrator or a security investigator. Possibly a result of mishearing or misunderstanding, the variant "chumputer" is also occasionally encountered.

Man, I had a gigaquad box this morning, but after that power surge, it's just a chimputer.

CodeSculptor, you've got a chimputer after that breach -- you need a good Security Monkey.

Sit back, I'll drive, I know how to swing a chimputer.

chimputer by Ernie Cordell April 20, 2007

Computer Whiz 

A computer whiz is a person who is an expert with technology, and can often blow some people's minds with their capabilities.

John is such a computer whiz that he even outsmarted me with this windows thing!

Computer Whiz by Bigdirtyjoe May 24, 2019

School Computer 

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself

Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.

School Computer by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018

old computer 

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on

Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer

old computer by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018

computer dick 

Similar to whiskey dick. It's when you are on a date with a girl and can't get it up because you spanked it all day while on the internet.

Friend: "How was your date with Suzy?" You: "Ah man, I had computer dick and couldn't get it up." Friend: "Are you fucking cereal? She's hot!"

computer dick by Rockabee September 10, 2014

computer tourettes 

This symptom occurs when a computer is too slow or crashes unexpectedly. The user of the computer becomes extremely agitated and starts madly clicking on the mouse and swearing uncontrollably.

When MS word froze, the author realized he did not save in the past 2 hours. Fearing that he would lose his work, he started to click wildly on the keyboard. When the title bar indicated (Not Responding), he suddenly developed a case of computer tourettes. Click, click %$#!@@?*&! Click, @$$!*&&$#@!

computer tourettes by La Femme Dorothy July 28, 2008

hand computer 

That thing that you look at all day that is small and does a billion more things than a "phone" but you and all your friends call it a "phone" when clearly it's really a hand computer.

Hey how do we get to that happenin party?
I dunno man, lemme whip out my hand computer.
Your what?
Hand computer.

hand computer by Hottdiggidydog August 28, 2019