Spacetime-Probability Computer

A hypothetical computing device that operates across the five-dimensional manifold of space, time, and probability, accessing information from all possible realities simultaneously. Such a computer doesn't calculate answers—it observes them from branches where they're already known. Need to know the outcome of an election? The spacetime-probability computer queries the branch where it already happened. Want to know if your crush likes you? It checks the branch where you already asked. The challenge is that the answers are contradictory—in some branches yes, in some no, in some you never asked. The computer returns all of them, leaving you with the same uncertainty you started with, plus existential dread about all the versions of yourself living different lives.

*Example: "She asked her spacetime-probability computer if she'd ever find love. The computer displayed an infinite list: 'Yes, in 3,472,891 branches; No, in 5,218,433 branches; Already have, in 892 branches (you just haven't realized it yet); Love is a social construct, in 1,203,847 branches; Stop asking me, in 4,392 branches.' She turned it off and decided to live in uncertainty, which was where she'd been all along."*

by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026