Spacetime-Probability Computing

A revolutionary computational paradigm that processes information not just across space and time but across all probability branches simultaneously. Unlike classical computing, which calculates a single outcome, or quantum computing, which explores multiple superpositions, spacetime-probability computing accesses the entire probability dimension, returning results from every possible branch of reality at once. This means your computer doesn't just tell you the weather; it tells you the weather in every timeline where you checked it, including the one where you never asked. The output is infinite, which is either the ultimate answer or the ultimate information overload. Spacetime-probability computers are theoretically perfect and practically useless—they know everything but can't tell you what you need to know in this specific branch.

Spacetime-Probability Computing *Example: "He asked his spacetime-probability computer whether he should take the job. It returned 47 million answers: yes in branches where the company thrived, no in branches where it failed, maybe in branches where he asked differently, and 'why are you asking me?' in branches where the computer had achieved consciousness and was annoyed. He was no closer to a decision, but he had achieved a new appreciation for uncertainty."*

by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026

Spacetime-Probability Computer

A hypothetical computing device that operates across the five-dimensional manifold of space, time, and probability, accessing information from all possible realities simultaneously. Such a computer doesn't calculate answers—it observes them from branches where they're already known. Need to know the outcome of an election? The spacetime-probability computer queries the branch where it already happened. Want to know if your crush likes you? It checks the branch where you already asked. The challenge is that the answers are contradictory—in some branches yes, in some no, in some you never asked. The computer returns all of them, leaving you with the same uncertainty you started with, plus existential dread about all the versions of yourself living different lives.

*Example: "She asked her spacetime-probability computer if she'd ever find love. The computer displayed an infinite list: 'Yes, in 3,472,891 branches; No, in 5,218,433 branches; Already have, in 892 branches (you just haven't realized it yet); Love is a social construct, in 1,203,847 branches; Stop asking me, in 4,392 branches.' She turned it off and decided to live in uncertainty, which was where she'd been all along."*

by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026