Perhaps the greatest of the early nintento characters, Simon Belmont was the original protagonist of the Castlevania series. A self professed leather queen (his famous words, "Dracula, you bitch! Take THAT!), he was able to fight his way through Dracula's lair via a whip, the Vampire Slayer. He sired many children via a wooden turkey baster, good luck, and a few very fertile women.

After his retirement in the year 1467, he took the gold he collected from levels 1-4 and opened a gay bar in Bucharest called, "Encounters", known for stiff drinks and soft men. Mention this definition and get 25% off your first round!