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The Scandinavian Coffee Bath is the preferred method of caffeine consumption for millions of Scandinavians. A proper bath involves finely ground coffee beans, a funnel and one cup of lukewarm distilled water for every heaping tablespoon of grinds. Consumers merely need to funnel grinds into their anus and chase slowly with water. Sitting with your anus elevated, pointing your toes to the sky and gently thrusting upwards will brew the coffee directly into your rectum, causing a slight caffeine buzz beginning in your rectum and ending in your brain.
Gus: Hey man, want a French press or an Americano?

Lucas: Neither man. I had a Scandinavian Coffee Bath at breakfast and I'm still buzzing.
by Dr. Vysick Risling MD January 10, 2017
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