nokium

The mystical substance from which Nokia 3310 phones are made.

- It is indestructible and does not react with anything on impact.
- When Nokium was studied with an atomic force microscope, it was found that the molecules themselves are also made of nokium.
It is theorized that this continues recursively down to the Planck length scale.
Despite all this, the substance is less dense than most metals.
- Anything made of Nokium will also damage the floor/wall if thrown or dropped.
This happens because Nokium has logarithmic gain of inertia.
- The act of Yeeting a Nokia 3310 has been considered a WMD.
The massive and inhumane damage it causes is indescribable and banned by the Geneva Convention.
- Irradiating Nokium with positrons may result in the metamorphosis of the substance into a Decepticon.
The reaction has only been captured on film once.

Recycling nokium from old cell phones was eventually found to be unviable, and
the only known source of Nokium ran out somewhere in 2011.
This later cost Microsoft 5.44 billion euros because nobody dared to tell them this fact.
It is rumored that some trace amounts of unprocessed Nokium have been found after 2011.
I drove my car over it, and it still works. It must be made from Nokium.
by the_inexperienced_guy September 05, 2023
Get the nokium mug.