Niggityboo
You might be a niggityboo if...
You have ever robbed a watermelon stand
Wal-Mart
You drink 40s
Yo mamma sold her food stamps for crack
Your bike used to be mine
You try not to smile at night because the popo will see you
Your white girlfriend drives you to not-work
You don't know fried chicken doesn't have it's own chunk on the food pyramid
You don't know what the food pyramid is
A city employee has to clean your afro-sheen off the bus window
You voted for the same person in 2008 AND 2012
All it takes to get a car stereo out is a hammer
You traded my aluminum gutters for dope money
You need a step-stool to get into your Monte-Carlo
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP... is good music
You have ever had a quextion to aks someone
You keep one hand on your pit bull's leash and the other keeps your pants up
You don't know the reason for that strip of pavement is next to the road
Your car costs more than your house
A pick suits you just fine... but a comb don't fly
You learned to sign your name with a can of spray paint
You've ever rolled a pin-joint
You think the word "boy" is a racial slur
Sunblock... what's that?
Your neighbors build cross-shaped bonfires in your front yard
You'd lika G6
Your neighbors lawn is your trash can
Your whiskey doesn't ever leave the brown bag
You've asked the question "You got a cigarette?" every day since Pre-K
Bitches and hoes... anything
You can trip on your lower lip
You've ridden in more cop cars than airplanes
You have ever robbed a watermelon stand
Wal-Mart
You drink 40s
Yo mamma sold her food stamps for crack
Your bike used to be mine
You try not to smile at night because the popo will see you
Your white girlfriend drives you to not-work
You don't know fried chicken doesn't have it's own chunk on the food pyramid
You don't know what the food pyramid is
A city employee has to clean your afro-sheen off the bus window
You voted for the same person in 2008 AND 2012
All it takes to get a car stereo out is a hammer
You traded my aluminum gutters for dope money
You need a step-stool to get into your Monte-Carlo
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP... is good music
You have ever had a quextion to aks someone
You keep one hand on your pit bull's leash and the other keeps your pants up
You don't know the reason for that strip of pavement is next to the road
Your car costs more than your house
A pick suits you just fine... but a comb don't fly
You learned to sign your name with a can of spray paint
You've ever rolled a pin-joint
You think the word "boy" is a racial slur
Sunblock... what's that?
Your neighbors build cross-shaped bonfires in your front yard
You'd lika G6
Your neighbors lawn is your trash can
Your whiskey doesn't ever leave the brown bag
You've asked the question "You got a cigarette?" every day since Pre-K
Bitches and hoes... anything
You can trip on your lower lip
You've ridden in more cop cars than airplanes
Niggityboo- (lights pin-joint at bus stop and looks over) "Can I aks you a favor?"
Upstanding Citizen- (coughs and swats pot smoke out of face) "No."
Niggityboo- "You gots a cigarette?"
Upstanding Citizen- "No."
Niggityboo- "You got fiddy cents?"
Upstanding Citizen- "NO."
Niggityboo- (Pulls gun out of oversized pants and points at citizen) "Buuuulllshit Bitch, gimme yo money fo I pop yo ass... and dat pretzel you eatin'!"
Bus pulls up and doors open. Bus driver looks at Niggityboo with gun.
Niggityboo- (Stuffs gun back into pants) "Maaaaan, I just playin'." (Niggityboo picks up it's KFC and climbs on bus.)
Upstanding Citizen- (Waits for next bus and munches on pretzel.)
Niggityboo 2- (sits down at bus stop chomping on large piece of watermelon.) "EY, you gots a cigarette?"
Upstanding Citizen- (Screams in frustration and whips pretzel at Niggityboo 2 before running down the street like a madman.)
Niggityboo 2- (Throws watermelon rind on nearest lawn and begins eating pretzel)
Bus 2 pulls up and doors open.
Niggityboo 2- (Gets on bus and sits down in back with sheened fro touching window.)
Upstanding Citizen- (coughs and swats pot smoke out of face) "No."
Niggityboo- "You gots a cigarette?"
Upstanding Citizen- "No."
Niggityboo- "You got fiddy cents?"
Upstanding Citizen- "NO."
Niggityboo- (Pulls gun out of oversized pants and points at citizen) "Buuuulllshit Bitch, gimme yo money fo I pop yo ass... and dat pretzel you eatin'!"
Bus pulls up and doors open. Bus driver looks at Niggityboo with gun.
Niggityboo- (Stuffs gun back into pants) "Maaaaan, I just playin'." (Niggityboo picks up it's KFC and climbs on bus.)
Upstanding Citizen- (Waits for next bus and munches on pretzel.)
Niggityboo 2- (sits down at bus stop chomping on large piece of watermelon.) "EY, you gots a cigarette?"
Upstanding Citizen- (Screams in frustration and whips pretzel at Niggityboo 2 before running down the street like a madman.)
Niggityboo 2- (Throws watermelon rind on nearest lawn and begins eating pretzel)
Bus 2 pulls up and doors open.
Niggityboo 2- (Gets on bus and sits down in back with sheened fro touching window.)
Niggityboo by Realists August 25, 2013