Simply the coolest investigator in Miami, Horatio Caine is more than a man, he is a way of life with five basic rules:

1. Stand with Hands on hips
2. Place sunglasses on for dramatic effect, then remove them, and repeat (applicable inside as well as out)
3. Never fully address people by looking them in the eye, you're too cool for that.
4. Have a dramatic pause in your speech.
5. Shoot first/45 Degree turn/walk out of camera frame.

This is taken from the fact that in every episode of CSI MIAMI, Horatio will do most of these things, and is a badass at being cool. It all works by combining the first four in the first few minutes of CSI MIAMI, in which Horatio will give a witty one-liner about a dead body. Afterwhich abruptly comes in the WHO "We don't get fooled again"'s scream of YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HORATIO CAINE: "You don't spend a thousand dollars on clothes... that you're never gonna wear..."


FRANK: "What are you going to do?"

HORATIO "I... am going to get to the truth."


YELINA: "this time it was in a public place."

HORATIO: "So they brought the war to us and we..."
Horatio turns 45 degrees.
HORATIO: "Are gonna take it to them."


FRANK: "It means we got a drive by."

Horatio puts sunglasses on
HORATIO: "Drive by... Miami Style."


FRANK: "The Jury only had one week before deliberations"

HORATIO: "No need now... the verdict is in."


FRANK: "They call it speed dating. Only cause our victim had 15 dates."

HORATIO: "You know what they say Frank... Speed kills."


ALEX: "You don't fall three storeys get up and run away."

Horatio puts sunglasses on.
HORATIO: "You do... (looks up) If you've got something to hide."


COLEMAN: "I don't remember anything."

HORATIO: "Okay, listen um... I don't want you to worry about it Mr. Coleman... because I..."
Horatio puts sunglasses on.
HORATIO: "I'll be you're memory."


FRANK: "Friends say she came to drink mojitas and catch some sun."

HORATIO: "Well it looks like..."
Horatio puts sunglasses on.
HORATIO: "something... caught her."


HORATIO: "So we had a victim who started the week big man on campus... and ended it... dead on arrival."


FRANK: "No matter how you cut it, Horatio, divorce sucks."

HORATIO: "Frank..."
Horatio puts sunglasses on.
HORATIO: "it's a killer."


FRANK: "She was caught in the cross fire."

HORATIO: "That's what happens when worlds collide."


FRANK: "It was a mob hit, Horatio."

Horatio puts sunglasses on
HORATIO: "Yes, and it's time to hit back."


FRANK: "The verdicts in."

HORATIO: "The verdict is in..."
Horatio puts on sunglasses.
HORATIO: "...but the jury is out."


GRINGO: "Lieutenant Caine."

HORATIO: "You help me, and I'll help you."

GRINGO: "You're already dead brother."

Horatio shoots the Gringo dead.

HORATIO: "Join the club."


Honourable mentions:

1. Horatio gets in bomb-armed SUV, and with four minutes to spare, drives to the beach, takes off his sunglasses. Steps out and, slowly, walks away from the SUV. As he places his sunglasses on, the SUV explodes into a massive ball of fire and rubble. And Horatio says, "Burn, baby, burn."

2. Horatio steps out from an ambulance, as three hitmen has been sent to kill him, as he emerges from behind the ambulance, he shoots two hitmen before they can open fire, the third runs away. As one lays in agony he tries to raise his gun.

Horatio calmly instructs, "Stay down..."
The guy doesn't listen.
Horatio, repeats, "stay down."
The guy doesn't listen.

And without even looking at the guy, Horatio shoots him, while continuing his walk.

3. In the Season 5 Premier, RIO, in slow motion and to the song "We Don't Get Fooled Again" by the Who (also the shows theme but extended for this version) Horatio shanks Riaz, in cold blood. Coolest. Murder. Ever.
by Jimblorath March 6, 2007
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To say something deeply underwhelming in a profound way and immediately following the statement with a melodramatic gesture; not unlike how in all the show's opening scenes, CSI: Miami's lead character Horatio Caine (played by David Caruso) usually makes an anticlimactic statement, slowly slides his aviator sunglasses on, and looks off into the distance.
That guy is always Horatio-Caining any chance he gets! He's always waiting for the right moment to drop a single sentence he's been sitting on all class and then to slowly take off his glasses and stare out the window.
by notyourmamasiambicpentameter February 21, 2018
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