Goal Mouth

Goal Mouth is a malady suffered by soccer fans and is characterized by sore jaw, stiff tongue and raspy throat.

When there is a close shot, or an acrobatic save or, especially, a goal scored, fans go crazy. They abruptly open their mouths which strains the mandible. The noise made, harshens the vocal chords and the back of the throat. The ululation of the sound constantly strains the tongue muscle, resulting in Goal Mouth.

“I sure will be glad when this World Cup is over. There have been so many good games, I’ve had Goal Mouth for more than three weeks.”

Goal Mouth by PicklingTheBeast July 10, 2010

Goatmouth 

Rare condition typically found in babbling old men and meth heads. Also occurs with the teethless wonders of our society. Condition can be spotted when an individual constantly slides their jaw around in all directions, for no apparent reason, resembling that of a goat chewing on some grass or a boot, or looking as if they are trying to eat their own face. Severe case can be witnessed in Old School by noting Blue's crazy jaw movements.

Victims of the Goatmouth epidemic should be lynched.

Goatmouth by Rumpulstiltskin January 25, 2008