FUCK MY COUCH 

it Means you are in disbelief. something like What the fuck.

FUCK MY COUCH. I FOUND 10 dollars

FUCK MY COUCH by anon21123 April 28, 2010

fuck off my couch 

The ultimate way to tell someone to get the fuck out and go fuck themselves for being a total asshole.
Game Ender

( At a party on a ship and gets purposely thrown overboard by someone else)
Guy who threw you: You have a nice swim?
You: FUCK OFF MY COUCH!!!!!

fuck off my couch by Illiterate banshee March 8, 2017