El Ranchito

Literally "The Small Ranch", El Ranchito is a Mexican-cuisine restaurant located in Crystal River and Inverness, Florida that actually has Mexicans working on the front lines and behind the scenes, unlike Taco Bell, where you would find a skinny black chick at the counter and some fat-ish white guy making your taco. The food is not as spicy as traditional Mexican food should be, and, though many people see this as a pitfall, it is actually a positive part about the food, mostly because your ass won't light on fire when it all inevitably rushes out as diarrhea. The Mexicans there are friendly, though they have a difficult time speaking American English, as do many rednecks and hick-kin that live in the area. Remember not to fill up on the tortilla chips that they offer you once you have a table. You will almost never see Hispanics eating in this restaurant; more than likely, you will see middle-aged white people taking delight in the eatery's ethnicity and thinking themselves humble because the ceilings aren't lined with chandeliers and the booths look more like bus seats than anything, though the waiters in this setting still speak just about as much English as any fancy restaurant. If you decide to take your food home with you to eat later, get home immediately, else it will spoil in a mild to heated environment. That said, do not be too patient when eating the food at the restaurant. Eat like the shit is going to rot, because it will.

Hey, do you want to go down to El Ranchito?

I don't know, diarrhea kind of sucks.

Yeah, so does Wal-Mart, and we're going there too. We have nothing else to do, this is Citrus County. Let's go.

Well, why don't we just buy some weed?

Because my step-dad is out of town. Are you going or what?

Ok, let's go.

by Jimmy Perkins April 23, 2010