Top definition
An intensely relaxing massage given by Ed Crankshaft to his family and friends. When he does it, they sigh in relief. Most notably given when one of his family or friends is stiff or tired at the end of the day. An Ed Massage is very soothing. It often includes the sea foam green lotion known as Edward Ocean. If you want something that won't take a lot of time, don't head for a massage parlor - try an Ed Massage. And remember, Ed Crankshaft sent you!
Pickles: Hey Ed, I'm so sore. Chasing Homer around the garden really took a lot out of me. Its rough being a cat.

Ed: Well, that's no problem. How about an Ed Massage? (he takes a spoonful of the Edward Ocean) Here's comes the massage plane into the hangar! Zoom! (he starts Pickles' fur)

Pam: Oh no, I've been walking all day. Did I see you giving Pickles an Ed Massage? I need one too!

Ed: Okay, easy, easy now. This is going to be good. This is sweet. (he starts rubbing Pam's feet) You poor little chick. Daddy knows what to do.

Ed: (while sitting in front of the bonfire he feels a twinge in his back) Oh no, now I need an Ed Massage. Give me that Edward Ocean, would ya? (he rubs some onto his back) There! That's better. That felt good.

Pam: Do you want me to do all over? I mean, not just your feet, but whole body? I can do that if you want me to.

Ed: Sweet! My whole body feels rough. I haven't had an Ed Massage in days. I just need to warm up is all. Ed Massages rock! One of the best ways to relax after a hard day.

Pickles: Right on! Even an old mudcat like me would love an Ed Massage every now and then. High paw! (Pickles high fives Ed, scratching his hand) Ed Massage forever!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 26, 2011
Get the mug
Get a Ed Massage mug for your barber Riley.