Semen Dust (noun)
Pronounced: SEE-men dust
Category: Extremely
questionable household substance, mythical irritant, and the reason your air purifier suddenly “gave up.”
Definition:
A completely fictional, absurd particulate matter said to form when… well… let’s just say certain biological ambitions dry out and decide to become airborne like they’ve got somewhere important to be. Often described as the “glitter of bad decisions,” semen dust is rumored to float invisibly through the air, clinging to surfaces, dignity, and occasionally the soul.
Scientists (the ones who were
immediately fired) have theorized that semen dust behaves similarly to pollen—except instead of causing seasonal allergies, it causes seasonal regret. It is said to accumulate in poorly ventilated spaces, bachelor apartments, and anywhere someone has said the phrase, “I’ll clean it later.”
Common Signs You’ve Encountered Semen Dust
A mysterious urge to open a window and rethink your life choices
Your furniture judging you
A faint whisper in the air that just says, “bro…”
Your dog refusing to make eye contact
