Semen
Dust (noun)
Pronounced: SEE-men
dust
Category: Extremely questionable household substance, mythical irritant, and the reason your air purifier suddenly “gave up.”
Definition:
A completely fictional, absurd particulate matter said to form when… well… let’
s just say certain biological ambitions dry out and decide to become airborne
like they’ve got somewhere important to be. Often described as the “glitter of bad decisions,” semen
dust is rumored to float invisibly through the
air, clinging to surfaces, dignity, and occasionally the
soul.
Scientists (the ones who were immediately fired) have theorized that semen dust behaves similarly to pollen—except instead of causing seasonal allergies, it causes seasonal regret. It is said to accumulate in poorly ventilated spaces, bachelor apartments, and anywhere someone has said the phrase, “I’ll clean it later.”
Common Signs You’ve Encountered Semen Dust
A mysterious urge to open a window and rethink your life choices
Your furniture judging you
A faint whisper in the
air that just says, “bro…”
Your dog refusing to make eye contact