Excerpt from "Annotated History of Pre-Classical Greek: A Modern Author's Look on Pagan Influences in Culture Today".
It was 420 BC, Greek style. The War was on, and you knew it like a bad hand to the face. A sound alerted me. I whipped out my hand gun, but it was too late. The sound of a short, pale Scottish warrior hit my ears.
Wait, no. A small, short, pale pseudo Scotsman! The scum of the
earth! He stood before me, dressed in nothing but his SJP hat. With a howl, I noticed my eyes were gone from the burning of the sight.
And from that day forth the souls of babies began to be eaten, the flesh of innocents' mouths ripped from their bodies, the players of Halo owned, for who could stop Bobby Morgan, the epitomy of
evil, if not me.
A mighty cry aroused me. A warrior stood above the pack. Clad entirely pink, the figure strode seven leagues in a bound and grasped the
Shank the torso. The demon gnashed his teeth and wailed, blinded by the glory of the
man. Nay, not a
man.
Man is not a fitting word for this being. He can only be called:
Bellsinic, a true autorgus, the Bull's Eslenic, and a
friend of the gods. He was born of seven suckling ewes, who he consumed whole as a child. He was raised in the farms near Athens and carried rocks to the rock pile, for his farm was small and did not produce much grain, but he was
happy and rejoiced, for he was strong! At four, the Greek age of manhood, he immeadiately rode seven
virgin females at once, taking their lives in his frenzied pleasure.
His mistake haunted him and he cut off his peni....left finger in shame. But his feats of greatness were only beginning. He then conquered all of western South Africa and went on to win the Most Awesome Nobel Prize for Insane Manhoodliness ...Prize, otherwise known as the MANPIMP prize. Despite of this, he dedicated his life ot the
art of beastliniess in the name of good and went on to
beat the crap out of several thousand nameless hobos trying to pick a fight. Or so he says.
And then he died. And
beat the crap out of Satan. And fought his way out of
hell. And created the telephone. And founded SJP. And New Orleans. Yeah, that's right. It wasn't effing La Salle, Agent Q. So screw that, right?
Anyway, back to the story. Bellisinic beat the crap out of
Hank and
wang slapped him. He wouldn't butt rape him, though. That would be degrading.
