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1. The entity responsible for reporting to the scene of possible exposure to Knic after a review by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Animal Control's duty is to quarantine and cremate anyone exposed to Knic and to burn and/or chemically disinfect any environs (vehicles, buildings, bodies of water, other outdoor environments) that may have been exposed to Knic.

Furthermore Animal Control is to quarantine the Knic, burn its clothing, run its body through a chipper/shredder, and then feed the remains into a kiln (which will later be shipped to a third world country), whose temperature shall not be less than 1,000 degrees Celsius.
1. "You know what really happened in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947? A freakin' Knic crashed there when his flying dinner saucer ran out of salad! Animal Control burned the hell out of that place! It was a forest before they started, but now it's a freakin' desert! Some damn weather balloon and swamp gas!"

2. Animal Control has had to exterminate many underground conspiracy theory groups in the United States and foreign countries. Such groups have had contact with Knic in an attempt to save it. Groups exterminated so far include the Knic Liberation Front (KLF), Give Knic a Chance (GKC), Somalians United for Care of the Knic (SUCK) and the Extreme Fundamentalists for the Proliferation of Knic and Knic Related Materials (EFPKKR). Groups currently suspected of exposure include but are not limited to Knic for California Governor (KCG), the Sierra Club and the governments of Mexico, Canada, France, Iran, Pakistan, Libya, Egypt, Morocco, Sudan, Syria, Luxembourg and Saudi Arabia.
by Sephiroth Gabbiani August 29, 2003
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