While visiting the far northern areas of Canada you come across the very hard to find Rub and Tug massage parlor. What makes the Northern Rub and Tugs stand out is the process in which the fire off your missile children. They cover your entire body in nothing but rendered whale blubber, paying special attention to your Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap. If you find the right massage parlor they actually use a fur beaver mitten for added pleasure. While stroking your blubber coated meat missile they help you achieve a perfect launch of your missile children.
Last night Nancy decided to try and give me a Canadian Northern Happy Ending. It didn’t work out very well.
by Artie J Saves April 3, 2026
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