Dog Wanker

A term of endearment for someone who has just given you a shit job or made you look like a cunt, usually said under your breath or out of earshot of the offending party,

Hey Terry, that bloke's a fuckin dog wanker.

I agree David, a dog wanker indeed.

by Fieryjack October 12, 2006

Card-Wanker

A person that rarely carries cash and routinely pays with a card.

A card-wanker will usually insist that the benefits of not carrying cash justify their 'card-wanker' status but this is a fallacy.

Card wankers will generally need to go to the cash point before nights out or when purchasing items from places that don't accept cards but will typically only draw enough to cover what they think they will spend which is usually slighly less than they actually need resulting in a second visit to the ATM.

Example 1

Paul: Why is it that there always a queue at the checkout when you're in a rush?
Dave: Yeah, I know.
Paul: And the guy in front of me always turns out to be a card wanker.
Dave: I'm paying on card.
Paul: Why?
Dave: I don't have any cash on me.
Paul: You're such a card-wanker.
Dave: (begins weak attempt to justify his card-wanker status)

Example 2

Paul: Anyone up for a pint after work?
Dave: Yeah, I'll go but I need to go to the ATM first.
Paul: It's a pint, It'll cost you less that a fiver.
Dave: I don't have any cash.
Paul: You're such a card-wanker.
Dave: (begins weak attempt to justify his card-wanker status)

by cptchopper79 March 18, 2012

wankers pit

A small area between some toilets and the canteen at Mosgiel Intermediate School. If you got pushed in there, you were deemed a 'wanker' for the rest of the school year

Shane Park got thrown in the wankers pit, so he was a 'wanker' for the rest of 1990

by Quicksand Jesus April 19, 2004

Guitar Wanker

A guitar player that constantly plays unimpressive scales onstage, calls it soloing but really it's just wanking. Usually leads into ten minute "improvised" guitar "solos" of the player just going up and down scales. Musical masturbation. Even though the typical guitar wanker is not very creative, non-musical audience members may be very impressed by it all, but other musicians are not.

Guitar wankers can often be found in bar room blues bands and new bands with short set lists. Heavy Metal guitarists in general are wankers. Neil Young is a prime example of a guitar wanker.

by Inducer69 August 27, 2013

Left Wanker

When communism means free hand jobs for all

Reactionary: Only an extreme Left Wanker would advocate seizing the assets of the rich and distributing them to the poor. I'm going to ignore that forms of wealth redistribution exist in every democratic nation in the world in my strawman of their argument and continue to fear change due to how my socioeconomic environment restricted my access to education and multicultural experiences limiting my ability to think independently and have empathy for those who are different from me.
Left wanker: you fool, by rejecting materialism and having a collectivist mindset I'm ready to offer my legendary two handed technique to any glorious comrade fighting against the evils of capitalism. Don't you know communism means free hand jobs for all?

by leftistmonke November 25, 2020

Fashionable Wanker

A male, typically between the ages of 16-24 who likes to think they are the best. They would most probably have the hottest girlfriend and walk around like they are a God... Likes to think they dress very well.

"Hey, do you know Ella's brother?"

"Yeah, he's a bit of a fashionable wanker"

by Michael Clifford's girlfriend June 22, 2013

Briefcase Wanker

A person, who is socially awkward, posh and arrives on there first day of a new school with a briefcase or they own a briefcase.

Bully: Briefcase Wanker
Briefcase Wanker: Ah yes, the bully of the school, your next jokes about me losing my virginity, well I lost it last night, ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister
Briefcase Wanker: You will in Nine Months.

by Mr.J.Nixon September 13, 2022