The most depraved sexual act in human history.
During the crossing of the great Land Bridge from modern-day Siberia to Canada, man's brain was relatively undeveloped; as a result, his nerves were also undeveloped, especially involving sexual titillation. Getting a man to climax took extreme feats.
Fossils have been found of a grown man having entered a woman from the vagina with most of his lower body, having pierced her left and right armpits with mammoth tusks and using that, it seems, as leverage to move in every direction inside of her. Judging by the proximity to where the fossils were found, it seems that the woman was ritualistically waterboarded as well, perhaps to make her body convulse and writhe in order to arouse the male.
There is also evidence of using some sort of sticky substance, perhaps syrup, instead of lubrication, in order to add friction to the penetration.
Most intriguing, however, is the recent find of what appears to be a sacrificial bowl on top of a pillar, which closely resembles the modern day Stanley Cup. Judging by the premature bones found in the bowl, it appears that, in cases of extreme inability to reach climax, the male would perform the above sexual act on an infant so that there was more control over movement. When the act was finished, the semen was harvested and implanted into a mature female using moose antlers, and the infant was nursed back to health using syrup, which was the ancient's version of Advil, KY, and Elmer's.
During the crossing of the great Land Bridge from modern-day Siberia to Canada, man's brain was relatively undeveloped; as a result, his nerves were also undeveloped, especially involving sexual titillation. Getting a man to climax took extreme feats.
Fossils have been found of a grown man having entered a woman from the vagina with most of his lower body, having pierced her left and right armpits with mammoth tusks and using that, it seems, as leverage to move in every direction inside of her. Judging by the proximity to where the fossils were found, it seems that the woman was ritualistically waterboarded as well, perhaps to make her body convulse and writhe in order to arouse the male.
There is also evidence of using some sort of sticky substance, perhaps syrup, instead of lubrication, in order to add friction to the penetration.
Most intriguing, however, is the recent find of what appears to be a sacrificial bowl on top of a pillar, which closely resembles the modern day Stanley Cup. Judging by the premature bones found in the bowl, it appears that, in cases of extreme inability to reach climax, the male would perform the above sexual act on an infant so that there was more control over movement. When the act was finished, the semen was harvested and implanted into a mature female using moose antlers, and the infant was nursed back to health using syrup, which was the ancient's version of Advil, KY, and Elmer's.
"Mrs. Shepard, your husband's mind has been warped by his cruel sexual abuse as a child: it seems as though he will respond to nothing short of a Canada's History. I'm sorry. I can give you the number of an excellent divorce lawyer."
by dopplegang February 9, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. An act, sexual in nature, that requires the use of day old poutine gravy as a lubricant for your 3rd puck-bunny of the evening - who is also know as a hat trick.
"Hey, you guys using that poutine? 'Cause I could use a little Canada's History for when I go 5 hole on Marcy."
by Keepin' it Louis Riel February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. The act of dipping your stationary office pen in maple syrup, deep frying it, and wrapping it in the Canadian flag, then pushing it up your ass oriented orifice with your tongue, while rubbing maple syrup into your chest and pubic hair.
Oh man, yesterday I got paid 50 bucks by some American fat guy to do Canada's History with him. It had to be the most knowledgeable experience in my life.
by Shoomkin February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. A sexual act preformed atop a moose. The woman inserts a moose antler into her vagina, while a man, using maple syrup as lubricant, preforms anal sex upon her anus. The moose balances on the Stanley Cup during Canada's History.
by pleased Canadian February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. The most depraved and disgusting things that could possibly be imagined. Illegal in 98% of the world's country's, it involves Moose Antlers, Maple Syrup, the Stanley Cup, and Stephen Colbert. Large quantities of bodily fluids and all orafaces are mutually involved, as well as small children, puppy dogs, farmyard animals, and a thing called Necroleprosy.
A guy walks into a Talent Agent's office and says "Me and my family have a wonderful act." The talent agent says, "What do you do?" to which he replies "We tell Canada's History." "Great, but what do you call yourselves?" The man replies, "The Aristocrats!"
by ColbertBump601 February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. A sexual competition performed after hockey season in the US. Two teams of men both strip down. Then, one after another, each team sits itself upon a single moose antler so that each team member's anus is stuck on a point of the antler. Old maple syrup is used as a glue to help keep the moose antlers in place. The Stanley Cup is then positioned in between the two teams and hot syrup is poured on the penis of the back most member of each team. The teams commence masturbating in team relay style. When the back most member ejaculates he then slaps his hand, covered in syrup and semen, on the member in front of him; so this man can use the mix as lubricant. The first team to get the front man to ejaculate into the Stanley Cup is declared the winner and is then filated buy the loosing team which is called "Quebec."
"I can't wait for the Hockey season to end. We're going to redo Canada's History; I am tired of being Quebec.
by Quebec '07 February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. (Noun) When a group of 3 to 7 people (2 males, 1-5 females) gather in one room. One male shoves the Stanley cup, filled with maple syrup, up another male's rectum, cup side first, all the way in. All the females then take the remaining maple syrup, douse themselves in it and defecate and/or vomit in the prime minister's mouth. Then the second male, with Stanley cup still in his ass, puts a pair of moose antlers on his dick and inserts them into the females' vaginas and/or rectums while the first male masturbates and licks the ugliest females eyes. After shoving up and down and an immense amount of vomiting the orgy concludes with the Canadian flag, attached to a 25 ft pole, shoved up the first male's urethra.
by DoIExist February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug.