Carphoneitus 

Early 21st century slang. A perpetual moron who is unable to remove his/her mobile phone from their face whilst driving.

Carphoneitus is a phenomenon that effects up to three quarters of the world’s driving population. The cause of this retarded mentality is debatable; some think it’s linked to a prepubescent homosexual infatuation with a member of the same family, while others simply believe it’s attributed to a childhood fear of home computers and the test card. One thing is undisputed however and that is 90% of offenders are actually not talking to anybody, whilst they're driving, they’re just pretending to, as they have no real friends.

Carphoneitus by Dr Alucard July 18, 2006