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Retrograding the Cakehole

retrograding the cakehole

(verb)

1.
To speak with such catastrophic stupidity, cosmic-level nonsense, or aggressively misplaced confidence that it feels like your mouth is reversing through time, undoing human evolution one syllable at a time.

2.
When someone talks so much garbage that reality glitches, Mercury goes into retrograde out of self-defense, and the universe files a noise complaint.

3.
A linguistic war crime performed using the mouth (aka the “cakehole”), typically accompanied by unwarranted opinions, loud wrongness, or the refusal to shut the fuck up.
A: “Bro I think dinosaurs died because they smoked too much volcano.”
B: “Please stop retrograding the cakehole before I lose brain cells.”

Boss: “Where’s that report I didn’t ask for?”
Me: “Love, you’re retrograding the cakehole again. Try thinking.”

Mom: “Why is your cousin’s WhatsApp status important for your career?”
You: “Ma… MA… you’re retrograding the cakehole.”

(Say this only if you want to die instantly.)