Referring to something as complete utter bullshit, but using the phrase in spanish slang, hence Hay Coño. This phrase was made famous and popularized by the great Domingo Ayala.
Pushy Nerd: "Hey you got an F on that 500 point project that determines 3/4 of our second semester grade. Hahahaha."
You: Hay Coño!
Someone who in life has failed to achieve certain goals in the area of scoring babes and his future now holds in him being a priest, hence his middle name "the father." The tortuga reference, tortuga being the spanish word for turtle, further implies a paranoia and fear of failure when around females and when he freaks out he tends to become a toruga, and proceed to hide himself inside his shell.
Random Dude: That guy is just freakin out with those hot chicks around him.
Random Dude's Friend's Response: He must be a "The Father/Tortuga".