The process if taking a massive runny shit without wiping, so you get dried poo on the gooch hair,thus resembling a cactus.
'Hey Pennington! Check out my gooch cactus, is it as spiky as yours?
No Joe, it isnt, ihave seven days worth of gooch cactus on me!'
This involves a lot of preparation and dedication.
Step 1) Shit and wee in a pint glass and blend it.
Step 2) Wipe it on your willy.
Step 3) Spank your partner with your pooey willy and let it dry (the whole pint must be used).
Step 4) The spanker then removes the crusty poo (which will now be in a bowl shape) and uses it to eat a beautifully prepared dinner.
Step 5) Cum on the dinner.
During this process the spanker must be wearing a crown and sing prodigys 'smack my bitch up' mixed with lemars 'time to grow'.
'Love, shall we dedicate our night to a Royal leamington spank?'