Melbourne; home, epicentre, ground-zero and dead-end of Australia's 'national' sport, Australian Rules "Football" for twenty odd weeks of the year. (nb. Aussie rules is actually quite popular in Adelaide, Australia's second-largest underground town, and also in Perth, where the only alternative is professional drink-driving.)
Fortunately, Melbourne also has the highest-grade quality heroin available in the free world, rendering even the most soul-sucking, mind numbing AFL season relatively ease to cope with.
Melbourne's heroin quality is second only to the quality of it's water.
Scag-rat 1: "Mate, the footy's back here in Melbourne."
Scag-rat 2: "I know, but it's alright, I just stole this VCR. Let's go see Skinny."