1 definition by Tigard Oregon

Top Definition
Oregon is the worst state in the union. Since it cannot be Washington or California, it has decided to earn distinction by being ugly to the rest of the world.

Oregon has rain for 9 months of the year and dusty, unbearable heat for 3 months. It has the third worst air quality in the US according to the EPA, usually the worst economy in the nation as measured by the unemployment rate and the most insular, unfriendly people in the country as evidenced by the comments made by those who claim to be thumbs up on Oregon.

Having stolen land from the indigenous people, 'Oregonians' still put up 'stay out' signs on the state except that the terrible job losses (lumber, fisheries) over the last few decades have made such an attitude much less popular. This 'stay out' mentality is simply the admission of failure on the part of the state to remember that is relies on the rest of the nation to feed it jobs. Most companies, quite reasonably, say no to Oregon. Many people are quite astonished to see that parking lots empty out before 5 because Oregonians do not believe in long hours devoted to work. There is something in the state which saps the work ethic out of so many people which is very bad for business.

Frankly, Oregon does the rest of the world a favor by looking so unfriendly and so unwelcoming to 'foreigners' because it is. Outside of Metropolitan Portland and other minor pockets, Oregon is a state so flaming red that it belongs inside Mississippi. Minorities are actually told by real estate agents that living in communities a few miles outside of Portland would be 'uncomfortable' for them. This is actually said, with a straight face in this century! Oregon enjoys all of the red state deficiencies: racism, bigotry, xenophobia, regressiveness and ignorance but little of the good gumbo and sunshine.

Oregon also isn't beautiful, it's gray and cold and damp most days which is why the majority of people live their entire lives indoors. The picture of people 'enjoying' the great outdoors only exists in the one month of the year when the rain has stopped and the mud has dried but the intense heat and yellow dust haven't yet appeared. That's it. The rest of the year requires A/C and heating which have become hugely expensive. When Oregonians claim they live a robust outdoor life, ask them why they do not have a natural tan.

Oregon has virtually no tourist attractions unless you like staring at pine trees day after day. After you see Multnomah falls, the Columbia river gorge and the spindly Rose Garden...you're done. BTW roses do not grow well here even though Portland claims to be the rose city. It should more aptly be named the algae or moss or mud city as all are widely available along with household solutions for their eradication. Also contrary to popular belief, Oregonians are at constant war with nature putting up depressing vinyl suburbs with vinyl decks and vinyl fencing on the tiniest lots imaginable...everywhere. Do not be fooled by the idea of cheap housing...you get what you pay for.

Try Googling Oregon Sucks or Portland Sucks or Tigard Sucks and you will understand the truth about the state. It's important to understand the truth before you actually move here because then you'll be stuck writing things like this in order to keep from beating your brains out with a frozen salmon.

There is a reason why such a large state has so few people...if Oregon doesn't kill you, it will make you wish you were dead.

Living in Oregon is like living inside a shower drain.
by Tigard Oregon April 30, 2006

Mug icon
Buy a Oregon mug!